My friends, I have a dark story to tell all of you.
This morning on my way to work, I was nearly run over by an elderly woman in a Prius. Yes, a woman driving a Prius (I think they technically count as cars) nearly drilled me. Yes, I do realize getting killed by a Prius would have been embarrassing event, but I don’t get to choose the weapons used to try and stop me.
I wake up and get to work before the sun is up. That’s the kind of work ethic that has built the vast empire you see around me. Nobody ever took over the world by waiting for the sun to come up to get the day started. Only bums and trust fund babies have that luxury.
I am neither. I’m a man that has a world to conquer, but I’m learning it might come at a terrible price to my health. As you all know, I nearly died a few months ago after a slip on some black ice. I would have likely been sent to the afterlife if it weren’t for the fact I have insane reflexes due to my DNA.
However, I’m not sure my DNA would have saved me today. In what was actually kind of an alpha move by my opponent, the elderly woman pretty much stared me down as she damn near killed me coming out of her driveway into the road. Luckily, in the final moments leading up to what would have been an awful impact, I was able to stop on a dime and change position like Barry Sanders in his prime.
The woman left, but I found myself frozen in time. Most men in my situation would have immediately gone back home. Hell, most of them probably would have died on the spot due to a heart attack.
I’m not most men. I’m David Hookstead, and I’m not going to let the fact I almost died today slow me down. In that moment this was the question I had to ponder.
I knew whatever I did next would define who I am as a man. If I returned home, I would be nothing more than a normal mortal. I’d be a man who was scared and turned tail. I’d be a man who backed down when the gun was to my head.
If I pushed forward, I’d be proving myself as a leader of men. I’d be cementing myself at the top of the mountain. Would anybody blame me if I turned back? Probably not, but I also don’t give a damn about the opinions of others.
I care about taking over the world. I tightened up by backpack straps, and took another step forward towards the office in the early morning hours.
Now, I feel borderline immortal. To face death and walk away is a rush that is almost beyond words. Remember, I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing it for all the guys who never got a chance.
You don’t need to thank me for pushing forward this morning, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Taking over the internet is my burden to carry.
I’ll be damned if a car and an elderly lady puts an end to that vision.