Loyal Reader Asks Why I Haven’t Been Thrown ‘Off A Bridge In A Burlap Bag’ Yet

(Credit: David Hookstead)

David Hookstead Sports And Entertainment Editor
Font Size:

My friends, people are now wondering why I haven’t been taken out yet.

I’ve been involved in an ongoing feud with Nebraska and football player Mohamed Barry because of some offseason trash talking. (RELATED: David Hookstead Is The True King In The North When It Comes To College Football)

He tweeted at me back in May, and deleted it like a coward after the Cornhuskers fell apart down the stretch. Remember, folks, the internet doesn’t forget.

In any war, you’re going to have some erratic behavior. It’s the nature of the beast. I understand the game I’m playing.

Remember, I didn’t ask for this war, but I volunteered for the front lines the moment Nebraska decided to kick things off.

Unfortunately not all the readers get that fact, which leads me to my next point. I had a reader write, “Fire David Hookstead and make sure he never gets a job in the media again. Why the Daily Caller hasn’t dropped Hookstead off a bridge in a burlap bag is beyond me. Is he blackmailing someone there?”

Aggressive much? While I usually avoid the mud, I just can’t pass up this one. You people want to know if I know where the bodies are buried on the internet?

That’s fine. I’ll entertain your interest. To paraphrase the movie “Shooter,” of course I know where these internet bodies are buried. I’ve still got the shovel in the shed from burying half of them myself.

I’m the destroyer of worlds when it comes to these feuds. I inject them right into my veins to remain young.

Did I want to ruin Nebraska? Did I want to ruin Barry’s season? The answer is no on both counts, but unfortunately, our enemies get a vote.

I’m like a Delta Force operator out on these internet streets. You don’t see me, you don’t hear me but I know what’s happening.

When conflicts arise, it’s already too late. I destroy programs before the first day of training camp, which is exactly what happened to the guys in Lincoln.

You want to know why I’m still around conquering the internet? It’s because nobody can take a shot at the king and survive.

In the words of Robert Oppenheimer, I am now the destroyer of worlds.

That’s why I’m not in a burlap bag, folks. This isn’t a negotiation when it comes to college football. It’s an annihilation.

My enemies will bend the knee or they will meet the same fate as those who came before them. I have nothing but time on my hands. Choose wisely.

P.S.: This is going to be even funnier when I’m in Lincoln to watch Wisconsin smash the Cornhuskers. You think I’m unbearable now, just wait until next weekend.