HART: The Winter Olympics — Please Make Them Stop

Photo by Julian Finney/Getty Images)

Ron Hart Ron Hart is a libertarian humorist and author who can be reached at Ron@RonaldHart.com.
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I have made clear that I’m not a fan of the Winter Olympics. They do not feel like sport, they feel more like a very white family’s ski vacation in Aspen. But here we are, four years later, and they are happening again. In China.

As the Olympic Opening Ceremonies began, China, looking to rehabilitate its reputation after unleashing the Wuhan virus upon the world, orchestrated hundreds of children in a maudlin display which touched the hearts of the uninformed. There were so many cute 12-year-old kids in this event that the Nike plant must have had to shut down for a day.

One thing you never hear in an American household is, “Honey, hurry in here, the luge is about to start.” Luge is a “sport” where two men push a sled and then just let gravity take over. The word going around the Internet is that the U.S. named its bobsled and luge teams “The Biden administration,” as nothing has gone downhill faster.

One thing you might hear screamed in your household, “Ice dancing is on, Daddy, ice dancing is on!” from your son, who could never quite throw a spiral. So I get it. Some of us like the Winter Olympics; others do not. NBC’s ratings are pretty bad, so the trend is not good.

Nancy Pelosi put on her brave face (she has about 12 faces for every occasion) and told American athletes to be nice to the Chinese government. Uyghurs, please! Why would one of our top leaders advise sucking up to an oppressive Communist regime where only the political leaders get wealthy and the rest of the country toils? Because that is her vision of America, which is focused on enhancing her net worth, not ours.

Pelosi’s unsolicited comments about the Olympics and China have past medalists chiming in. Before Pelosi went on stage to lecture Americans about being nice to their Chinese overlords, Tonya Harding told her to “break a leg.”

Joe Biden has even been training for the upcoming 2028 Summer Olympics. Last week he was working on sticking the landing using the stairs on Air Force One. Practice makes perfect! The world is watching!

Athletes at the Winter Games are complaining about the accommodations and food and that they are being watched. China blames the COVID restrictions. But on the bright side, Putin just lifted Russia’s travel restrictions to Ukraine!

You can tell which countries are the best. During practices near the border leading up to the Olympics, North Korea’s best ski jumper was able to become a South Korean citizen.

The only part of the Olympics I watched was the Women’s Biathlon, where there were some hot Nordic women — but only because I was confused by the title. It turns out they just ski and shoot guns.  We will not be good at this sport this year, as Biden would like to confiscate the Americans’ guns. At the end of the Olympics, I would imagine that American Biathletes will let our Secretary of State Blinken ceremonially turn their rifles over to the Afghan Taliban Olympians.

Attendance has not been good at the Winter Olympics: fewer people than a WNBA basketball game, but more than a Biden rally.

So you can watch curling or ice dancing, sports you would otherwise never watch, and see us lose to Iceland. With some of these sports I am sure there are good athletes participating in them. My observation is not that they do not do their sport well, I question why they are doing it at all.

In the Summer Games, U.S. 100-meter dash winner Sha’Carri Richardson tested positive for marijuana. Had she just told U.S. officials she needed it to calm her penis we would have had her leading the American team in the Opening Ceremony.

During this political season as the Democrats prepare for the 2028 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles, they have been able to identify two great candidates, the Cuomo brothers, for broad jumping.

Since Los Angeles will host the Olympics in 2028, those planning to attend had best look to get on the 405 Freeway in the next couple of days to make it in time.

Ron Hart is a syndicated op-ed humorist, award-winning author, and TV/radio commentator; you can reach him at Ron@RonaldHart.com or Twitter @RonaldHart.