Each year I write about the Oscars, the annual Hollywood ritual of smug, self-congratulatory wokeness. It is like the Westminster Dog Show but with more butt-sniffing, Botox and primping involved.
I know this is a cliché, but it is an honor for me just to be nominated again to make fun of the Oscars.
Every year the Oscars gathers more stars in any one place except the Betty Ford Center.
The show has become such a left-wing, preachy event that ratings have been plummeting for years. It has gotten so bad that, if you were one of the few still willing to watch the Oscars, you would be nominated for an Oscar. Over the years the show has gotten odd, with what seems like 75% of the actors and actresses these days having British accents. And that does not even count Madonna and Tina Turner.
But this year, the Oscars got American. Our country’s favorite pastime, violence, was displayed onstage when Will Smith sneaked up and bitch-slapped comedian Chris Rock over a very benign joke about his wifey. America likes WWF wrestling, mixed martial arts kick boxing and the like. This might revive interest in the movie industry. I enjoy violence-tinged theatrics, but — full disclosure — I have taken a King Air to see midget wrestling with eight buddies.
Next, I’d like to see someone squirrel-jump Quentin Tarantino onstage and hit him over the head with a two-by-four. Having had a taste of award show violence, I now find myself craving it. And next year’s host? You could not do any better than Johnny Knoxville.
This year’s theme among the newly hawkish, liberal, Hollywood elite is movie sequels. There are few original ideas anymore. So now the “A-listers” seem to be wanting to produce another sequel with their actions: World War III, starring Ukrainian actor-turned-president Zelenskyy. Vapid, mostly un-college educated celebs who have scant knowledge of world history seem to be arguing for war. Or, to their thinking, Biden should nominate a strong woman of color to replace Putin.
Sean Penn demanded that Zelenskyy be allowed to speak at the Oscars or Penn would “smelt his Oscar,” something Joe Biden would sooo do every day if he had an Oscar. It turns out the former comedian Zelenskyy is safer in Ukraine right now than he would be telling jokes in front of self-entitled, thin-skinned celebrities in Hollywood.
Some say Will Smith slapping Chris Rock harkens back to rough and tumble Hollywood stars of old like John Wayne, Frank Sinatra and Clint Eastwood. But the way he slapped him unexpectedly and walked away looked more like a RuPaul impression. Maybe Will Smith was actually auditioning for “GI Jane II.” In the last year, we have lost some of the old guard stars who were respected by America. Last year the pudgy Ned Beatty died; he overcame obstacles to become a famous actor. Nothing held Ned Beatty down except of course, once, that hillbilly.
I am just glad Mel Gibson did not slap Chris Rock. That would have been a hate crime. As it stands now, the virtue-signaling celebs and the Oscars have done nothing to Will Smith. This is quite the moral lesson to kids in crime-ridden inner cities. But I have it on good authority that the entertainment-driven Oscar committee is thinking about punishing The Fresh Prince, Will Smith, by making him go live with his uncle and auntie in Bel Air.
This was black-on-black crime, displayed on TV for the world to see. It was not a good cultural look and not good for Will Smith, who has an otherwise carefully manicured public persona. As CNN might report, aside from the assault it was a mostly peaceful Oscars.
Much has been made of Will Smith’s bitch slap heard ‘round the world. I’d like to say right here and now that his carefully crafted apology, written by his publicist and run past his agents and not one but two focus groups, is good enough for me.
My advice to Chris Rock about using humor. When I write something that I think: will offend someone? Then I read it carefully one last time, contemplating what it might mean to folks. Then do what I always do, hit send.