My weekend is set, and that’s because … THE NFL PLAYOFFS ARE HERE, BABY!
Holy hell, I’m unbelievably excited for Wild Card Weekend … Oh, that’s right: “Super Wild Card Weekend.” Oh man, I’m loving the branding move there from the National Football League and unbelievably grateful that they’re giving us three straight days of playoff football.
A lot of people have been asking me who do I have in the playoffs, who do I have going to and winning the Super Bowl, and hey, you can’t blame them for wanting to know who this hot take artist has as his victors in the postseason.
Well, lucky for all of those beautiful people, here are my official picks for NFL Super Wild Card Weekend, as well as my official NFL playoffs predictions,:
2023 NFL SUPER WILD CARD WEEKEND PREDICTIONS
SATURDAY, JAN. 14
(betting odds via Barstool Sportsbook)
Seattle Seahawks (-9.5) at San Francisco 49ers, 4:30 PM (TV: FOX) (NFC Wild Card Playoffs)
Literally the only advantage that the Seattle Seahawks have in this matchup against the San Francisco 49ers is at quarterback, but Geno Smith stands no chance against San Fran’s passing rush, and how is Seattle expected to cover the middle of the field with no Jordyn Brooks? Give me the 49ers in an easy blowout after already clocking them 27-7 just a couple of weeks ago.
PREDICTION: San Francisco 49ers 32, Seattle Seahawks 16
Los Angeles Chargers (-2.5) at Jacksonville Jaguars, 8:15 PM (TV: NBC) (AFC Wild Card Playoffs)
This will be such a close and intense game that it will come down to one thing: who is the better quarterback between Justin Herbert and Trevor Lawrence. I’m personally not big on Herbert like a lot of other people are, but I am in love with the development and progression of Lawrence. Lately, he’s been on a roll. With that being said, give me the Jags in a nailbiter.
PREDICTION: Jacksonville Jaguars 23, Los Angeles Chargers 21
SUNDAY, JAN. 15
Miami Dolphins (-13.5) at Buffalo Bills, 1:00 PM ET (TV: CBS) (AFC Wild Card Playoffs)
Lord have mercy … As you see, my Miami Dolphins are a -13.5 point underdog. In other words, we’re going to get our ass kicked, but it’s not all bad for the Dolphins. This game is mainly being treated as a “at least we made the playoffs” type of deal, with the real focus being on this offseason where they could potentially land Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers. Of course, the Bills will win big here, but the future is bright for the Miami Dolphins.
PREDICTION: Buffalo Bills 34, Miami Dolphins 9
New York Giants at Minnesota Vikings (-3), 4:30 PM ET (TV: FOX) (NFC Wild Card Playoffs)
UPSET ALERT!? The New York Giants defense has been peeking at the most perfect time, and on top of that, they’re completely healthy now. Everything has lined up in spectacular fashion for the Giants defense. When you mix that in with the fact that the Minnesota Vikings have a banged up offensive line and Kirk Cousins gets hit more than a jobber in professional wrestling, you’ve got to ride with the Giants for the (moderate) upset in this one. Shout out to New York City!
PREDICTION: New York Giants 29, Minnesota Vikings 26
Baltimore Ravens at Cincinnati Bengals (-9.5), 8:15 PM ET (TV: NBC) (AFC Wild Card Playoffs)
The Cincinnati Bengals are going to have a tough ass time with the Baltimore Ravens’ defense, and this because they’re outright built to stop them. The Bengals can forget about a running game because the Ravens will shut that right down, so they’ll have to rely on Joe Burrow and his big play-making. Being one-dimensional by force, the Bengals will struggle to score points, but with no Lamar Jackson for Baltimore, they’ll scrap out what might be an ugly game.
PREDICTION: Cincinnati Bengals 17, Baltimore Ravens 14
MONDAY, JAN. 16
Dallas Cowboys (-2.5) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 8:15 PM ET (TV: ESPN) (NFC Wild Card Playoffs)
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers haven’t played well for the most part this season, but Tom Brady is still elite, ranked third in passing in the entire NFL with 4,694 yards and in the top 10 with 25 touchdowns. With the Dallas Cowboys, they historically choke as soon as they get in the playoffs. With this being a fact and the Bucs having the greatest of all time, I have no choice but to side with Tampa Bay — there’s no way in hell I’m betting against Tom Brady in this game.
PREDICTION: Tampa Bay Buccaneers 22, Dallas Cowboys 19
2023 NFL PLAYOFFS PREDICTIONS
AFC CHAMPIONS: Kansas City Chiefs
Any team that can do ring-around-the-rosie and then afterwards make a trick play for a touchdown (and with extreme ease at that), I’m not betting against. I don’t care if it’s the Buffalo Bills, Cincinnati Bengals or whoever … Nobody in the AFC is beating the Kansas City Chiefs.
NFC CHAMPIONS: San Francisco 49ers
I was honestly torn between the San Francisco 49ers and Philadelphia Eagles — like, really torn. It was a tough decision for me to make, but I have three factors for why I chose the Niners: 1. Brock Purdy is absolutely on point, 2. Jalen Hurts is still dealing with a shoulder injury, and 3. Both offenses are nearly equal, with the Eagles being a bit more high-powered. But with Hurts being injured, that balances things out. On the defensive side of the ball, the 49ers are a lot better, and I don’t see that suiting well for a banged-up Hurts. Give me the 49ers as your 2023 NFC Champions to give us a rematch of Super Bowl LIV.
SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS: Kansas City Chiefs
I, again, point to the evidence:
I will forever declare this as ring around the rosie. #Chiefs pic.twitter.com/LHzQxubhTt
— Nick Jacobs (@Jacobs71) January 7, 2023
I don’t care who wins the game between the San Francisco 49ers and Philadelphia Eagles in what will be your NFC Championship matchup, neither one of them will beat the Kansas City Chiefs. It’s just not happening. (RELATED: Buffalo Bills-Kansas City Chiefs Game Will Be Held In Atlanta If They Meet Up In AFC Championship)
And with that, your favorite hot take artist has spoken.