Porn Site Offers Philly 1,540 Gallons Of Cheez Whiz-Flavored Sex Lube To Grease Poles Ahead Of Super Bowl

[YouTube/Screenshot/Public — Dana Beers]

Andrew Powell Contributor
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What a glorious story.

The city of Philadelphia is being offered 1,540 gallons of Cheez Whiz-infused sex lubricant by an *ahem* “adult entertainment company” to help prevent Eagles fans from climbing up street poles in celebration of winning the Super Bowl — or rioting if they don’t.

CamSoda, the webcam site in question, said that they’ve sent a truck to Philly that contains 28 55-gallon drums of lube, which supposedly will stop batshit crazy Eagles fans — who I love ever so much — from climbing streetlights and other structures.

The drums are a mixture of 75% lubricant and 25% Cheez Whiz, which also happens to be a key ingredient in Philadelphia’s famous cheesesteaks.

Man … see … this is why I love Philadelphia so damn much, because they need a freakin’ porn company to stop batshit crazy Birds fans — who, again, I love the absolute hell out of.

And the audacity of CamSoda to actually think they can stop Eagles fans. With how shit rocks in Philly, all you’re doing is giving those fans even more energy to feed off of, which will in turn give even more energy to a Birds team that, quite frankly, doesn’t need any more motivation. (RELATED: Super Bowl Weekend Is Here In All Of Its Glory! Here’s Everything You Need To Know (And Who’s Winning The Big Game)

They already have a “Philly vs. the World” mentality as it is. They even have a catch phrase for God’s sake: “No one likes us, we don’t care.”

Man … the Eagles by a gazillion at this point.