Allison Holker Boss, widow of Stephen “tWitch” Boss broke her silence about his death with Hoda Kotb on “Today,” Wednesday.
Boss died by suicide in December at the age of 40, leaving behind Allison and their three young children. The beloved dancer and DJ rose to fame as the disc jockey on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” and Allison admitted she is still adjusting to his absence.
“I still feel like the rest of the world where I’m still shocked,” Allison told Kotb. “No one’s ready for that moment and there’s no one that saw this coming. No one — and that breaks my heart too.”
Holker Boss said she was blindsided by his death, and expressed feeling “so sad” that he was suffering in silence. “We weren’t in the knowing,” she exclaimed on the show. She admitted to experiencing many moments of self-doubt where she asked herself if she had missed any signs that her husband was struggling with mental health issues.
“I did it a lot in the beginning,” she said. “I eventually had to tell myself, I can’t change anything that’s happened.”
As for what led him to take his own life, Allison said she can’t say for certain, but she did indicate that tWitch took on a lot of responsibility in his life.
“He wanted to be the strong one for everyone and I think that was a little scary for him to think that he might need to ask for help,” she said. “He was so much love and light. He really wanted to be everyone’s Superman, and he said that a lot.”
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Boss’ widow has had to support her three children while also leaning on others, including Ellen DeGeneres, to ensure she processes through her own healing.
“I don’t really have any other choice but to be strong,” she said, adding that she’s had to have “really hard conversations” with her children. (RELATED: 911 Audio Suggests Drake Bell May Have Been Suicidal)
“To us, Daddy’s in the stars. So we can go outside and talk to him whenever we want … They just ask, ‘When is daddy coming back?’ and that’s a really hard one,” she said. “I got 13 years with one of the most magical humans and I learned so much about love and gratitude.”