Male Birth Control Will Make Feminists’ Wildest Dreams Come True

(Photo by VALENTINE CHAPUIS/AFP via Getty Images)

Gage Klipper Commentary & Analysis Writer
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Big Pharma has a new surprise for the American man. Just rub some hormone gel on your shoulders, and voila! You’re the perfect, sperm-less male specimen of the new human race.

In other words, male birth control may soon be coming to a drug store near you, a new NBC report details. “It was basically like a hand sanitizer solution,” said one of the young participants in a Phase 2 clinical trial. The experimental drug, which works by tanking your sperm count, is shooting for FDA approval by 2027.

Set aside whether it’s “safe and effective” as promised. We’ve heard that line before on everything from lobotomies and opiates to anti-depressants and COVID vaccines. So really, who knows. (RELATED: ‘Do No Harm’ — WATCH NOW)

But in our modern her-historical epoch, the ideological drive to get this product on the shelves is obvious. For decades, you’ve heard from feminists like Gloria Steinem that, “If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.” The implication, of course, is that society puts pressure on women to conform subserviently to the needs of men.

But NBC gives the game away. “With new abortion restrictions, demand is growing, experts say,” the outlet reports.

We’ve been living in the Longhouse for quite a while.  So it’s far more apt to say, “If men had birth control, the state might just come in and force them to take it.” Has feminized, COVID hysteria taught us nothing? Don’t forget to get your 19th booster so that fat ladies in HR feel safe.

The very real possibility of state coercion aside, massive social pressure would inevitably come down the instant this stuff hits the market. “Using male birth control,” our grifting commentariat will assure you, “is the hallmark of an enlightened, confident masculinity.” Yes, that’s right — fry your sperm count to show what a man you are.

Doctors will go along with it because, why wouldn’t they? They’re often bought and paid for, and besides, the younger ones spent nearly a decade being ideologically groomed in med school. They’ll trot out actors and pro-athletes as spokesmen to say how the drug helps them stay at the top of their game. It looks like Taylor Swift might wind up childless after all.

All the while, guys will have no incentive to outgrow their “hoe phase” and family formation will become even more devalued than it already is. We’ll become a more degenerative society as casual sex becomes a stronger currency than the U.S. dollar.