Alert: Men, They’re Coming For Your Balls

(Photo by Chelsea Guglielmino/Getty Images,)

Gage Klipper Commentary & Analysis Writer
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Castration — it’s literally the future liberals want.

According to one “leading researcher,” the secret to male longevity can be found by just chopping off their balls.

If there’s one thing Americans know, it’s that you should always Trust The Science. Rachel Bohannon got an Ivy League PhD in the “evolution of narrative and cognition” (whatever that means) and now she’s here to tell you that castrated men live longer than their “regularly balled peers.”

Never mind that The Science is based on a handful of eunuchs who lived between the 1500s and 1800s and some mental patients from the 20th Century. Ignore how Bohannon wrote a book about how the “female body drove 200 million years of human evolution” and refers to testicles as men’s “two little death nuggets.”

She’s clearly just an unbiased PhD in pursuit of scientific truth. There’s certainly no unhinged feminist agenda to be seen.

But if we’re to get “really utopian about this shit,” as Bohannon puts it, then this is clearly the deranged future of liberalism taken to its logical extreme. The left has been at war with nature for hundreds of years.

The goal isn’t just to conquer the natural world through the force of civilization. The goal is to free humanity from its own nature, from all the constraints of biology. That’s why abortion is the left’s new sacrament, why the gay movement demands their designer test-tube babies on demand, and ultimately why one-day babies be produced in womb factories as men and women both go about their asexual, amorphous lives. That’s right, chop off your balls for the good of humanity!

Whatever nature dictates is evil, they say, and must be overridden if humanity is to one day be truly free. But the insane, ball-chopping lengths leftism is willing to go to shows it’s far more evil than any force it ever set out to defeat.