Pakistan Has The Perfect Solution To Pride Month

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Gage Klipper Commentary & Analysis Writer
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It’s not often we turn to Pakistan for how to have a functioning society. But in this rare instance, they might be onto something.

A Pakistani man tried to open a gay club for Pride Month. He was promptly admitted to a mental hospital. Simple as.

First off, I don’t believe anyone is gay in Pakistan. Do you see how horny they are on Facebook? No American man has ever received a “Dear Sir, send balls now” message from a Pakistani incel.

But there’s a reason the woke hypocrites in our State Department only fly pride flags in Western countries. The rainbow burqa wasn’t going to fly… Obviously.


In all seriousness, however, I can think of countless ways for this to be applied beyond the slums of Islamabad. Sorry Geraldo, the Great American Mental Institution is making a comeback.

Public service announcement to all public school teachers: talk to a child about his or her gender identity, and you’ll earn a one-way ticket to the asylum. There’s something clearly wrong with anyone who would convince a young, healthy child to mutilate their body — let alone as part of a sick, sexual fetish.

They used to castrate groomers. But I think we can start with some electro-therapy.

Clothing retailers: if you make bathing suits that allow little boys to “tuck,” your whole C-suite is headed to the nuthouse. Perhaps some corporate-sponsored lobotomies will do the trick.

Sports teams: if you’re planning to have a Pride Night, get ready for an extended off-season. I’ve heard pick-up games on the “inside” can be pretty intense, though. Yard hours are 10 to 11.