Check Out The Male Version Of Spanx For Low-T Dweebs

(Photo by Moses Robinson/Getty Images for GCAPP IMPACT Party)

Gage Klipper Commentary & Analysis Writer
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Men, it’s unfortunate that I even have to say this, but please stop wearing women’s shape wear.

This really is a thing, apparently. It’s not even a trans thing; if only. No, it’s worse, if that’s somehow possible. These are presumably straight, sports-oriented men who decided it was a good idea to put a delicate little girdle around their squishy waists to ensure everything stays “together.”

A shocking number of brands and styles exist. There’s the Rounderbum “slim and lift” boxer brief, which is basically just a pair of high-waisted bike shorts. Then there’s the OShaper, which looks like the “wrap” that public school teachers give to gender-confused teenage girls. By far the worst, there’s the HIIPS “tummy control waist trainer sport” which is pretty much just a latex corset.

Really, guys — why so much variety? Is this really where capitalism has brought us? Alright lefties, I’m with you; let’s get this proletariat revolution on the road. At least those guys could carry concrete blocks without a waist trainer.

On a more serious note, I’m never going to shame a guy for doing what he has to get in shape. I get that sports bras can be a vital piece of equipment for the talented female athlete; I guess it’s sort of the same idea here.

But I’ll also be the first to tell the ladies that lingerie doesn’t belong in the gym just because it’s made out of sweat-wicking Spandex. Like the girl wearing a leopard thong on abductor machine, this male waist training thing really does seem to be far more about fit than function.

So all I can really say to these waist-training He-men is: it’s time to do the real work rather than just look the part. Eat less, exercise more, pick things up and put them down.

That’s really all there is to it.