HART: Biden Gets A Cold, Trump Gets Immunity And Jill Won’t Pull Out

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Ron Hart Contributor
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Note: This is a satirical piece.

Well, the first presidential debate took place. As agreed, there was no live audience. And, as it turned out, there was only one live candidate.

It is shocking to Democrats, who only watch liberal legacy corporate media, that Biden is a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Their media have hidden and covered for this slow train-wreck of a man for years now. MSNBC, CBS, ABC, PBS and CNN viewers were shocked. Joe is slow? Clutch my pearls; I had no idea! 

I tuned into CNN after the debate for its panel of some 45 “pundits” reaction to Biden’s performance. The talking heads were spinning. In a format where roughly 51 million people watched unfiltered and not just 400,000 viewers whom they carefully manipulate, many sheep of the left-wing-only media felt misled.  

It was good that 51 million watched, among them many kids who have not been engaged in politics. A friend of mine called his daughter to tell her to watch the debate. She was already watching. When she answered her phone, she told him “I cannot talk now, Dad. I’m watching the last season of ‘The United States.’”

Any time Biden’s cognitive decline came up in the past, the Dems flooded the media with people who mouthed the same talking points. “He is sharp and laser-focused in meetings,” they were told to say. “In fact, I sat there and watched him solve world hunger and a Rubik’s Cube in a private meeting just days ago. And Jill tells us he does Isosceles Triangles in his sleep. This good man, Joe Biden, is a real ‘tack.’ Nothing to see here.” 

For a decade now, the media have not covered or have outright hidden the mess Joe Biden has been, both as a corrupt life-long politician and in his cognitive decline. You should feel betrayed. 

Some panicked — and sane — Democrats said Joe should step aside. Joe said he was OK; he just had a cold. The problem the Dems have is the less popular and less competent next choice, Kamala Harris. She’s an historic first. She’s the first half-Indian, half-Jamaican elected as an African-American in America.

The Bidens had a meeting at Camp David. (They tend to stay together so one of them does not go to the Feds and rat the family out in order to get a lighter sentence). You had Hunter Biden, bag man Jim Biden and — of course — the Griselda (the notorious Columbian drug lord) of the crew, Jill. The family discussed why it is important that Joe remain president and how important his pardoning power will be.

Jill does not want to go back to being a nanny, so she came out and said she, I mean, Joe, is still running.

Once Jill Biden decided they were still running, Democrats were sent out to say that Joe just had a bad Debate day. You know, one bad day, like The Hindenburg or O.J. Simpson. 

After sending surrogates out to say Biden was “cogent” off camera, Joe was sent to give a fiery teleprompter speech. He said the Supreme Court decision in a case giving limited immunity to a U.S. President is bad. What is rich about his speech is that he screamed to the audience that Trump can now abuse his power. This comes from the guy who is trying to imprison his political enemy. 

To sum up the week, Joe Biden got a cold and Trump got immunity. 

The feeling is that Jill is not for pulling out, something she passed on to Hunter. 

This is nothing personal about Joe. We all age differently. I think about it, aging and all, and read a good bit as I am getting there. I did read a study in The Journal of Sex Research that said, as you age, your chance of getting dementia can be greatly reduced if you have sex once a week. Jill had best get cracking. With great power comes great responsibility. 

Ron Hart is a libertarian op-ed humorist, an award-winning author, and a frequent guest on TV and radio. He can be contacted at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.

The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.