Nicole Kidman revealed she felt a lot of self-doubt after filming the erotic thriller “Babygirl.”
She spoke candidly about how she felt while filming the explicit scenes during an interview with Vanity Fair published Aug. 26. “It left me ragged,” the 57-year-old star told the publication. Kidman stars with Harris Dickinson and Antonio Banderas in the movie, in which she portrays a business executive who has an affair with an intern at her company. Banderas plays the role of her husband in the film.
“At some point I was like, I don’t want to be touched. I don’t want to do this anymore, but at the same time I was compelled to do it,” Kidman said.
“Babygirl” is directed by Halina Reijn, and is slated for world release at the Venice Film Festival. Kidman said she relied heavily on Reijn to get her through the most raw scenes.
“Halina would hold me and I would hold her, because it was just very confronting to me,” she told Vanity Fair.
She said she is still stuck in a vulnerable state, even after filming concluded months ago.
“It’s like, Golly, I’m doing this, and it’s actually now going to be seen by the world,” Kidman said.
NEW YORK, NEW YORK – JANUARY 21: Nicole Kidman attends Prime Video’s “Expats” New York premiere at The Museum of Modern Art on January 21, 2024 in New York City. (Photo by John Nacion/WireImage) Getty Images
She expressed the constant struggle between being proud of her craft, and revealing herself in her most vulnerable state.
“That’s a very weird feeling. This is something you do and hide in your home videos. It is not a thing that normally is going to be seen by the world,” Kidman told Vanity Fair.
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA – MARCH 12: Nicole Kidman attends the 95th Annual Academy Awards on March 12, 2023 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images)
She threw herself into the role and embraced everything that it demanded of her, but the nature of the scenes made Kidman feel stripped down in more ways than one.
“I felt very exposed as an actor, as a woman, as a human being,” she said.
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – DECEMBER 06: Nicole Kidman attends the Los Angeles Premiere of Amazon Studios’ “Being The Ricardos” at Academy Museum of Motion Pictures on December 06, 2021 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic) Getty Images
The doubt has stayed with her to such a degree that she has not yet watched the movie. Kidman said she just isn’t ready to see herself in the same light that the audiences will be seeing her in.
“I had to go in and go out like, I need to put my protection back on. What have I just done? Where did I go? What did I do?” she told Vanity Fair.
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA – DECEMBER 20: Nicole Kidman attends a special screening of “Expats” at Palace Verona on December 20, 2023 in Sydney, Australia. (Photo by Brendon Thorne/Getty Images)
The famous actress admitted she’s not yet sure if she’ll be able to view the film during the premiere. (RELATED: Famous Actress Victoria Justice Describes What It Was Like To Film Her First Sex Scene)
“I’ve made some films that are pretty exposing, but not like this,” she said.
