Famous country singer Jimmie Allen admitted Tuesday he contemplated suicide after feeling the pressure of sexual assault allegations filed against him.
He spoke candidly in an emotional interview with his friend Kathie Lee Gifford about the depths of his depressive state, and explained just how close he was to ending it all when his former manager accused him of raping and sexually assaulting her. Allen said he lost several big deals he had in the works when the allegations against him made the headlines, and he worried he wouldn’t be able to support his family.
“I’m thinking to myself, how am I going to provide for my family? And then it hit me. My life insurance covered suicide,” he recalled. Allen admitted he thought it through, and loaded his gun.
The 38-year-old star said he felt “the whole world had just collapsed” when the lawsuit was filed against him. He struggled to understand why anyone would accuse him of doing such a thing, and felt powerless when his label dropped him and he lost his book deal, movie deal, sneaker deal, and everything he worked so hard for, suddenly crumbled around him.
“The first thing my brain goes to is not the career. It’s, how am I going to provide for my kids? I had three [kids] then,” Allen told Gifford.
Singer & songwriter Jimmie Allen performs at 3rd & Lindsley on September 28, 2020 in Nashville, Tennessee. Photo by Jason Kempin/Getty Images
Jimmie Allen attends MusiCares Persons of the Year Honoring Berry Gordy and Smokey Robinson. Photo by Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images for The Recording Academy
“I remember I was putting bullets in my gun clip. Right when I was putting the last bullet in, before I put it in the gun, this was the freaky thing,” he said.
He went on to explain what appeared on his phone.
“So I don’t get notifications at the front of my phone for text messages, I have to go to my texts messages to see it, a text came to the top of the phone, I’m like this is weird,” he said.
Jimmie Allen performs at the 2022 CMT Music Awards at Nashville Municipal Auditorium on April 11, 2022 in Nashville, Tennessee. Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images for CMT
Jimmie Allen performs onstage during the the 57th Academy of Country Music Awards at Allegiant Stadium on March 07, 2022 in Las Vegas, Nevada. Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images for ACM
“My friend Chuck text me and he said, ‘ending is isn’t the answer and when I read those words that he text me, I read it again. Ending it isn’t the answer,” Allen said.
“I just stopped.”
The moment he contemplated suicide led to deep reflection for the country star.
“I don’t feel that way now, but in that moment, when you feel like you have nothing… In the midst of a society where it’s no longer innocent until proven guilty… she said this so it must be true.”
Jimmie Allen attends the 2022 American Music Awards at Microsoft Theater on November 20, 2022 in Los Angeles, California. Photo by Emma McIntyre/Getty Images
Jimmie Allen poses with his award for the 55th annual Country Music Association awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 10, 2021 in Nashville, Tennessee. Photo by Jason Kempin/Getty Images
The country singer’s former manager dropped her lawsuit against him last month, and he has since sought therapy to help him get through a bout with drugs during this difficult time. (RELATED: Prosecutors Charge Woman Who Accused Trevor Bauer Of Sexual Assault With Defrauding Him: REPORT)
“Every single day I remember battling, ‘Do I want to live? Do I not want to live?’ I’m like, ‘Man, my family would have X amount of dollars if I would’ve [taken] care of something,” Allen told Gifford.
“But I realized that’s not the way to do it.”