You know which country sucks? America. You know which country is awesome? Cuba.
But don’t take my word for it. You can read about it in Playboy! Yes, that’s right, the once-mighty masturbatory aid is still being published for some reason, and the latest issue has what Reason‘s Michael Moynihan calls “the single dumbest article on Cuba in recent memory.” Moynihan points out some particularly delusional nuggets from what is ostensibly an article on cigars:
“Ironically, the trade embargo has kept the forbidden island unblemished and true to its roots… What you do not see in Cuba is McDonalds… Your goal is to see Cuba now, before the U.S. embargo falls and the island becomes a commercialized, Disney-fied disaster zone, with every corner sporting a Starbucks… If you wish to see authentic Cuba, now is the time.”
See? Do you see, you stupid Americans? Cuba is a paradise, a shining jewel in the Carribean, unsullied by such decadent capitalist luxuries as overpriced coffee houses, or even enough clean water to brew yourself a cup. The embargo is actually the best thing that could ever happen to these noble folk. Isn’t dying in a hunger strike to protest a totalitarian dictatorship better than having to look at the… [gasps, pauses, somehow manages not to vomit] …the Golden Arches? Who needs Tomorrowland when we’ve got Yesterdayland? Did you know they still drive cars from like the ’50s? A lot of them don’t even have cars at all! It’s like some kind of crazy dream.
What is it about Cuba that turns otherwise sane people into drooling statists? Yeah, keep talking about their top-notch medical system. That’s why 26 patients in a Cuban mental hospital recently died during a cold snap. It got all the way down to 38. Couldn’t the hospital staff have given them, I dunno, blankets or something? Oh, sorry, that must’ve been the authenticity. Pardon my arrogant capitalist pigheadedness.
(Hat tip: The DC Morning)