One of the reasons I don’t watch Dancing with the Stars is the show’s hostility to true genius. Sure, they kept Jerry Springer around, but he’s the exception. The show cowers in the presence of greatness, shielding its beady little eyes from the shining glory of better men. It celebrates mediocrity and lashes out at that which it cannot understand.
That’s the only explanation I can find for voting off David Hasselhoff in the first round.
The philistines. Bear witness, my friends, if you dare:
Such greatness is wasted on these pigs. History will vindicate David Hasselhoff.