1.) Obama hagiographer Shep Fairey losing hope — Shepard Fairey, the copyright-violating street artist who created the iconic “Hope” poster in support of Pres. Barack Obama’s 2008 presidential campaign, is disappointed in his old hero, the National Journal reports. During an interview, Fairey said, “Obama was the delivery device in theory. Now, I realize that he maybe is not the correct delivery device.” Young voters “wanted somebody who was going to fight against the status quo, and I don’t think that Obama has done that,” Fairey added, in what is maybe the deepest statement your email writer has ever heard in his entire life. Despite Fairey’s disappointment, he says he will most likely help Obama lie to the youth again in 2012. But according to NJ, Fairey “said that he couldn’t design the same Hope poster today, because the spirit of the Obama campaign hasn’t carried over to the Obama presidency.” Bummmmmmmer, dude!
2.) House members bristle at idea of Colbert testifying — House Republicans say that Democrats’ decision to invite Stephen Colbert to testify about immigration is a sign that Democrats aren’t serious about the border and jobs. “I guess it’s alright for a little levity, but it just tells you the level of seriousness about immigration reform that is coming from the Democrat majority,” Iowa Rep. Steve King told The Daily Caller’s Chris Moody. “I don’t think he should be there,” said Tennessee Rep. Steve Cohen. But he will be there, today, regardless, making a joke of politics just like he does on his show. Then again, Colbert testifying about immigration is probably no worse than Sally Field testifying about farm subsidies or Mariska Hargitay testifying about rape prevention. They are all so pretty, you know? It doesn’t really matter what they say, so long as they do not like Henry Waxman. Then again, if your email writer was a migrant laborer at the center of a tense political debate, I would probably see Colbert’s testimony as a sign that the people with all the money and all the power are more interested in entertaining each other than figuring out what to do with me and my family. Good thing for Dems that illegal immigrants can’t vote!
3.) Bailed-out auto workers ‘suspended’ after getting stoned on the job — “Chrysler Group LLC indefinitely suspended 15 union workers at a Detroit assembly plant Thursday after a local television-news station caught the group on tape drinking beer and apparently smoking marijuana while on break before returning to work,” reports the Wall Street Journal. “Video footage aired Wednesday night showed the men leaving Chrysler’s Jefferson North assembly plant during their 30-minute lunch break and driving to a liquor store. There, they bought beer, which they then took to a nearby park and drank. The men were also seen passing what looked to be a marijuana joint among themselves, then returning to the plant.” Not to hammer on the bros for having fun or anything, but it really hurts their case when they’re all like, “Save our jobs! BUUUUURP,” and then fall asleep standing up, which happens sometimes. According to the WSJ, “the report was a blow to a union already struggling with a damaged reputation stemming from Chrysler’s bankruptcy. The union walked away from the reorganization with a controlling stake in the auto maker though its health care benefits and wages were a financial burden on the company.” ONE STRIKE OVER THE LINE, SWEET JESUS. ONE STRIKE OVER THE LINE.
4.) Diet expert questions Michelle Obama’s advice — According to Zone Diet creator Dr. Barry Sears, Mrs. Barry Obama needs to put a lid on it. “Michelle Obama’s approach, encouraging the nation’s youth to eat less and exercise more, is doomed to failure because America’s obesity problem is much more intricate,” reports The Daily Caller’s Caroline May. “That complexity, he says, is best boiled down to an increase in the country’s intake of omega-6 fatty acids and a decrease in the consumption of omega-3 fatty acids.” We need less of the former–which is everywhere–and more of the latter–which is found in fish and nuts–says Sears. Chiding hard-working Americans for hanging out at Chili’s, in other words, is not a sound strategy for controlling the diets of 300 million people. According to University of Colorado professor Paul Campos, who spoke to The Daily Caller earlier this year, “People like Michelle Obama are playing out their own dramas. [She] is obsessed with her weight, and obsessed with the weight of her daughters. It’s upsetting that that kind of upper class drama gets put into public policy with no filter at all.”
5.) Government to ban peanuts, autonomy at airlines — The Obama White House is taking out its governing frustrations on the airline industry, which is apparently right up there with NAMBLA in terms of public support. “The administration and Congress have picked a group for whom there is absolutely no public sympathy,” industry analyst Darryl Jenkins told USA Today. “No matter what you do, if you’re the DOT or Congress, you’re going to come out looking like a winner ’cause you just whacked someone nobody likes.” The whacking will be severe: new rules and regulations would forbid the serving of peanuts as an in-flight snack (to combat nut allergies, which are unique to first-world sissies), make it easier for airline employees to unionize, and–in a nod to the trucking industry–limit the number of hours pilots can fly. DOT spokesman Bill Mosley dismissed concerns about government intrusion with a wave of his hand: “Airline passengers have rights. And the rules we have adopted and proposed are designed to ensure that airlines live up to their obligation to treat people fairly.” If only there were a set of rules to hold government to the same standard!
6.) China reminds world that it is time to learn Mandarin — “A new generation of officials in the military, key government ministries and state-owned companies has begun to define how China deals with the rest of the world. Emboldened by China’s economic expansion, these officials are taking advantage of a weakened leadership at the top of the Communist Party to assert their interests in ways that would have been impossible even a decade ago,” reports the Washington Post. Used to be, China would bitch about the U.S.’s reticence to do anything without pondering over it for ages. Now, China is moving so quickly that no one knows what’s going on or who’s in charge or what it all means. “Now we have to deal across agencies and departments and ministries. The relationship is extraordinarily complex,” a U.S. official told the Post. Yes, well, that is not really reassuring. So while the world waits for China and Japan to pop a century-old hematoma full of bad blood, we should all take Chinese lessons, just in case the U.S. backed the wrong horse.