1.) Breaking News Alert: America’s largest financial institutions still run by retards — Close the blinds, America. Then bolt the door, scatter some broken glass in the vestibule, and field-strip and grease poppa’s antique 8-gauge: The banks are coming for your home! For serious, writes The Daily Caller’s Joe Tauke. “Tomorrow, a bank—not your bank, but any bank—could evict you from your home. Even if you didn’t know the bank was foreclosing. Even if your mortgage is paid off. Even if you never had a mortgage. Even if the bank doesn’t hold a single piece of paper that you signed. And major banks not only know this fact, but have spent millions of dollars to defend it in court.” Tauke highlights many foreclosures in which homeowners had paid off their mortgages but came home to new locks, cases in which banks have lost the mortgage documents and can’t prove ownership, and even cases in which banks have rather confidently admitted to destroying any physical evidence of a sale! While the failure of America’s banks to properly document the purchase and transfer of property–the backbone of a functioning capitalist system!–doesn’t excuse the strategic defaulters or the fry cooks who borrowed a prince’s sum to buy a party pad they couldn’t even afford to air condition properly, it does suggest that there is enough blame to go around. And around. And around.
2.) Punch-drunk O’Donnell flops in first debate — Tea Party favorite Christine O’Donnell faced off with Democrat Chris Coons Wednesday night in the first nationally televised debate between the two U.S. Senate candidates. Reporting from the scene of the crime, TheDC’s Jon Ward writes, “The debate was contentious and free-wheeling, but O’Donnell failed to land many punches, much less a knock out, and was put on her heels several times when asked about her views on evolution, the Supreme Court, and her past financial problems.” While O’Donnell couldn’t name a single SCOTUS case she didn’t like, Coons didn’t fare much better, resorting to bitching about Citizens United, the most slandered Supreme Court ruling of the last few years. O’Donnell jabbed Coons for having experimented in college with beards and Marxism, providing the rather dull Democrat with an opening for the line of the night: “I am not now, nor have I ever been, anything but a clean shaven capitalist.” After the debate, O’Donnell told reporters that everything bad that has happened to her is the fault of the GOP for not supporting her. And also, Bill Maher. For supporting her.
3.) Robert Gibbs continues to obsess over Chamber of Commerce — If desperation were something you could bottle and sell–that is to say, if desperation were at all valuable–you could make a fortune by wringing out Robert Gibbs’ spittle-drenched lapels over the course of the last two weeks. With shovel-ready projects revealed to be a myth by none other than Pres. Obama, with unemployment still through the roof, and with the DOJ appealing a court ruling against DADT, this administration has resorted to attacking the Chamber of effing Commerce in lieu of defending its policies or providing meaningful support to the scores of sweating, nail-biting Democrats. But there’s a way to make it stop, says Gibbs: “If they want to end this argument, open their books. This isn’t just the Chamber. American Crossroads. American Groups for Blue Skies, Mom and Apple Pie. There are all these great groups out there, that we now know they’re doubling down on even more money in this election to influence its outcome.” If nothing else, this White House should be commended for its flexibility; previous administrations have never managed to stoop so low.
4.) Barney Frank can’t escape his Fannie history — “When US Representative Barney Frank spoke in a packed hearing room on Capitol Hill seven years ago, he did not imagine that his words would eventually haunt a reelection bid.” What, exactly, did Frank say? Ha. Oh my. Just, just read this, OK? “The issue that day in 2003,” writes the Boston Globe, “was whether mortgage backers Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were fiscally strong. Frank declared with his trademark confidence that they were, accusing critics and regulators of exaggerating threats to Fannie’s and Freddie’s financial integrity. And, the Massachusetts Democrat maintained, ‘even if there were problems, the federal government doesn’t bail them out.'” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
5.) Music Television determines that the youth are not crazy about the Obama — “An Associated Press-mtvU poll found college students cooling in their support for President Barack Obama, a fresh sign of trouble for Democrats struggling to rekindle enthusiasm among many of these newest voters for the crucial midterm elections in three weeks,” writes the AP. “Forty-four percent of students approve of the job Obama is doing as president, while 27 percent are unhappy with his stewardship, according to the survey conducted late last month. That’s a significant drop from the 60 percent who gave the president high marks in a May 2009 poll. Only 15 percent had a negative opinion back then.” Incidentally, Obama will speak today to a group of youth at an event that will run on MTV and BET, in between episodes of “Jersey Shore: Crab Hunters” and “Rap’s Nastiest Booties.”
6.) DOJ is not dreaming of California, nor does it have California on its mind — Neither the Department of Justice nor the Senate Judiciary Committee are all that concerned by the impending passage of a California referendum item that would legalize marijuana in the Golden State, reports TheDC. The DOJ continues to trot out its standard line (“The federal government is committed to enforcement of the Controlled Substances Act blah blah blah”), and the Senate Judiciary committee is all like, what? The fed’s nonexistent interest in the pot issue has legalization advocates on pins and needles. “My best guess is that [DOJ] won’t sue, but that they’ll issue a memo similar to the one from last October saying they’ll take a hands-off approach for people complying with state law, but still actively pursue anyone transporting marijuana out of California, or anyone involved in manufacture/distribution of marijuana outside of California,” said Dan Riffle, a legislative analyst at the Marijuana Policy Project. But, he added, “you can’t say how this will change things for the DOJ until you know what the DOJ is going to do about Prop 19. When they say how they’re going to proceed, I can tell you how things will change. Until then, it’s anyone’s guess.”