As you certainly know by now, Labash and I are locked in an unwinnable fight to the death, so perfectly matched that the only possible options are chilly détente or mutually assured destruction. Plus we e-mail each other constantly to gossip about Sons of Anarchy. (Jax Teller: Modern-day Hamlet or badly accented mope with admittedly great abs? Yes!)
But now the foolish Labash has tipped the balance and set his sights on a new target: Television’s Andy Levy.
Andy, it goes without saying that I’m a fan of your ombudsman work on Fox’s “Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld,” which just so happens to be my very favorite show that airs at 3 a.m. (I watch you guys, and TiVo the Malibu Pilates infomercial.) Last week, however, I was forced to execute a reader for using puns, and laid down a strict no-punning law. Any violation carries a lifetime ban from this column. In one paragraph, you committed enough punning to get you banned for several lifetimes.
I know you’re reading this, Andy, so I propose an alliance. With your good looks and brute physical strength, and my your brains, together we can put a stop to Labash’s reign of sarcasm once and for all. Just kidding. I’m tired of writing this blog post. My knee hurts. I want some apple juice. No, grape.
P.S. Levy is on Twitter and you should follow him. Labash is not and you should not.