DC Trawler

Keith Olbermann wants to save the world from rich white guys who can’t handle dissenting opinions

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I know, right?

I didn’t watch Keith’s 20-minute, teabaggertastic “Special Comment” last night because my TV couldn’t handle the extreme hue of burnt-orange his face started to take on. I had to switch it off when my screen started to melt. If you want the Cliffs Notes, we liveblogged it here. And Mediaite has a partial transcript. Here’s Keith psychoanalyzing Keith, psycho, analyzing the people who disagree with him:

They see the greatness of America not in its people, but in its corporations. They see the success of America not in hard work, but in business swindles. They see the worthiness of America not in its quality of life, but in its quality of investing. They see the future of America not in progress, but in revolution to establish a kind of theocracy for white males with dissent caged and individuality suppressed.

They see America not for what it is or what it can be. They see delusions, specters, fantasies. They see communists under every bed and a gun in every hand. They see tax breaks for the rich, and delayed retirement for everyone else. They fight the redistribution of wealth not because they oppose redistribution, but because their sole purpose is to protect wealth and keep it where they think it belongs, in the bank accounts of the wealthy.

It’s fine for a multimillionaire white dude and General Electric employee — who has swindled his way to where he is now, will stay home from his own TV show at the drop of a rubber ducky, and never talks to anybody who disagrees with him — to engage in such textbook psychological projection. Hey, you’d feel guilty too! But he forgot to give us his bank account number.

If you hate yourself and feel like you deserve to be punished, put down that razor blade and watch this whole thing:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

On second thought, you should’ve gone with the razor blade. Did you know the Gettysburg Address was only three minutes? What an amateur!

Dear Countdown staff: Whatever they’re paying you, it’s not enough by half. You deserve the Congressional Medal of Honor for not busting out into gales of laughter during this red-faced crybaby rant. That’s assuming you’re even capable of laughter, which requires a soul, which is what Keith Olbermann feasts upon to survive. You have our deepest sympathies. Good luck on Election Night.