DC Trawler

Forget Middle East Peace — let’s try Middle East Not As Much War

Frank J. Contributor
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So. That Middle East — stuff sure is going on there.

Now, I know everyone is hoping for Middle East Peace, but that seems like almost too lofty a goal. It’s like focusing on getting in the NBA when you haven’t even learned to dribble the ball. I think we need more realistic goals for the Middle East; instead of Middle East Peace, how about Middle East Not Quite as Much War and Crazy Dictators? I think that’s a pretty good goal for this current unrest.

I think I’ve noticed some problems, though. In watching video from the protests over there, I noticed some weaselly looking people hanging out in the background. I think it may be those fugitive Wisconsin Democrats. They probably figured the jig is up in Wisconsin, but places like Egypt and Libya are going to need new leadership. This is a big problem.

As you may recall — though you would have been really young when it happened — the Middle East used to be the cultural center of the world. They invented algebra there, developed the scientific method, and made carpets that could fly. No one was more advanced than them, but guess what happened? That’s right: Teachers’ unions took over. They brought all development of knowledge to a halt while taking all the riches of the land for their benefits packages. This plunged all the Middle East into the dark ages.

So you see why Democrats taking over there could be huge trouble. They’re just looking at all that oil and thinking, “I bet that could fund a lot of tenured, lousy teachers.” So the Democrats could wipe out any possible progress in the Middle East with new teachers’ unions designed to keep everyone there ignorant and angry. So, if anyone is reading this in the Middle East, my advice for you is that if you think you see a Democrat, quickly point at him and yell, “Joo! Joo!” which I believe is Arabic for “Stop this guy.” The goal of Middle East Not Quite as Much War is in sight, and we can’t let anything stop it.

Frank J. blogs at IMAO.us and sometimes write columns. He is also on the Twitters.

Frank J.