Opinion

Questions about Libya, Obama, and kinetic conflicts

Eric Golub Contributor

I am loathe to criticize President Obama on matters of war while we are at war. Then again, apparently this is a kinetic conflict and not an actual war, so maybe there is some latitude.

Critics will say that President Obama has absolutely no idea what he is doing. Sycophant supporters will drool that he is just cool and calm, and that he knows exactly what he is doing. Either he is just not telling us what’s going on because we are too dumb to understand, or he did tell us but we didn’t realize it because we are too dumb to understand.

His sycophant supporters will also point out that because he is not George W. Bush, of course he did everything perfectly right. If that argument fails to sway people, the left will point out that Obama is smart and Palin is dumb, and that ends the discussion for them.

I want President Obama to remove Gaddafi from power. He must talk to the nation. Sometimes he weighs in on matters where he should mind his own business, but on this issue he must speak up.

All of the Huffington Post columns in the world will not be able to allow Obama to claim that Libya was an inherited problem, unless one accepts that Libya existed as a nation when he took over. George W. Bush did not obliterate Libya or Iran. I forgive him. He did not have a third term.

Anyway, I will hold off on the hard questions for now. We will know more later, as events develop. On this day, other questions need to be asked.

For instance, how does Gaddafi rule an entire nation for over 40 years without getting beyond the rank of colonel? For a dictator, this guy’s military career is fairly undistinguished. Colin Powell became a general in 35 years. What kept Gaddafi from getting his stripes? More importantly, why can’t the greatest military in the world remove a guy who can’t even climb above the rank of colonel in four decades?

How is it that Ronald Reagan can target Gaddafi’s home and eliminate one of his kids long before Internet access or Google Maps existed, yet Barack Obama can’t shove a predator drone up Gaddafi’s rumpus?

Given that the Obama answer to everything is “Yes, we can,” the issue is less about “can’t” than “won’t.”

So why won’t he?

Some will argue that Gaddafi did not attack us, but the Lockerbie bombing in 1988 certainly was an act of war every bit as evil as Pearl Harbor or 9/11.

What will Mr. Obama do if by some shocking turn of events the French fail to get the job done in their great post-Napoleonic tradition of failing at everything?

If the French succeed, are they the new superpower? Will we all be forced to get on our knees and pray five times a day toward Paris? Will Billy Crystal then be arrested for “Forget, Paris?”

What is a kinetic conflict? How does it differ from a war?

Americans are fairly good at winning wars, but our record on kinetic conflicts I believe is 0 for 0. Obama supporters will point out that we have never lost a kinetic conflict. We have never won one either. The fate of future kinetic conflicts rests on Libya. Given the NFL lockout, perhaps a kinetic conflict is the equivalent of using replacement players.

Also, George W. Bush had 33 nations in his coalition and Obama has 16 (thank you, Brent Bozell). So how does Obama have a coalition while Dubya acted unilaterally?

Of course, Obama has France, which counts for 40 nations. So liberals should now brag that Obama has 55 nations in his coalition and Dubya had negative seven. Politico and MSNBC now have another reason to hate Bush.

Maybe my time in Tennessee has left me biased, but I say we should just send in Pat Summitt to finish things. (In Tennessee, the three world evils are radical Islam, radical leftism, and Lane Kiffin. I agree.)

Is Barack Obama paying Ralph Nader, Dennis Kucinich, and Louis Farrakhan money to speak? If so, maybe Mr. Obama really is a genius. Every time these lunatics speak, Mr. Obama looks as reasonable as can be. If Mr. Obama truly was behind their remarks, he would have trotted them out the week before the 2010 election. Maybe the charmed lucky life Mr. Obama has led just keeps continuing.

Is Donald Trump on the Obama payroll? Every minute he spends talking about our Hawaiian-born Christian leader as a possible Kenyan Muslim subversive helps him in the polls and moves Libya from the major news.

On Celebrity Apprentice, Trump asked Cyndi Lauper if she liked Mr. Obama. She said yes, and he said, “I like him too.” She was praising his support for a gay rights bill, which was not mentioned at CPAC. I like Donald Trump, but can’t we all just admit that there is no way on Al Gore’s green Earth that he is running? He is more likely to run for the presidency of Libya. Libya fits with his autocratic style. This is not an insult. To do what he does, you have to often make decisions without consulting others. Debate ends when he says so. In American politics, debate never ends.

Given that it is now racist to ask about Mr. Obama’s birth certificate (again, I don’t care at all about this issue), is it also racist to ask Gaddafi for his? Is he really Libyan? I suspect he is Martian. If Gaddafi is not Libyan, can we impeach him?

Hey, if an entire civilization such as Palestine can be invented from Arabs born in Egypt and Jordan, then maybe Gaddafi might be constitutionally ineligible to lead Libya.

Shazamm! Maybe that is why he has not gotten past the rank of colonel.

Wow, a perfect little bow tied up just nice.

Well, almost. A certain failed not-quite-a-general is still slaughtering innocents while the rest of the world . . . well, whatever it is they are doing. Like those entities, I have only questions and no answers.

Eric Golub is a Brooklyn-born stockbrokerage and oil professional living in the People’s Republic of Los Angeles. His blog is the TYGRRRR EXPRESS and his three books are “Ideological Bigotry,” “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.” His interests include politics, football, the stock market, and Republican Jewish brunettes.