Top 15 jokes in Ann Coulter’s ‘Demonic’

Jamie Weinstein Senior Writer
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Like her or hate her, Ann Coulter is a fairly talented humorist.

Her new book, “Demonic: How the Liberal Mob is Endangering America,” contains well over 100 jokes and humorous quips, perhaps hundreds. Some are pretty good while others fall a bit flat. TheDC has combed through the book for Coulter’s very best comedic attempts. Find the best 15 jokes and witticisms ranked below:

15.) “In a YouTube video made by actor Ashton Kutcher just after Obama’s inauguration, dozens of Hollywood celebrities pledged ‘to be a servant to our president and all mankind.’ It was like something out of an Aztec festival of the gods – if what the Aztec gods wanted was for Hollywood actresses like Eva Longoria to use ‘less bottled water.’”

14.) Referring to President Obama’s repeated statements that Republicans drove the economy into a ditch: “It was always a ‘ditch’ and not a ‘pond’ because a pond would have been offensive to Ted Kennedy.”

13.) “Bill Clinton was called a rock star so often, the expression ‘rock star’ surpassed ‘perfect story’ as the most irritating cliché of the century. (In fairness, if  ‘rock star’ means someone who sleeps with countless groupies, then Bill Clinton was a rock star.)”

12.) “With the soul of an actress, Keith [Olbermann] borrows other people’s opinions, adds the sanctimony and indignation, and delivers speeches in a deeper baritone, wearing glasses so morons think he is a genius.”

11.) “Then congressman Christopher Dodd (D-CT) said the ‘greatest gift our country can give to the Cambodian people is peace, not guns. And the best way to accomplish that goal is by ending military aid now.’ This would be like suggesting the best way to help a woman being raped is to give her a little privacy.”

10.) “Having your intelligence questioned by Katie Couric must be like having Michael Moore say to you, ‘Have you put on a few pounds.’”

9.) “Naturally, the people most ostentatiously bothered by Sarah Palin’s purported idiocy were the most aggressive social climbers. Their pinup is Keith Olbermann, who was practicing radio at age six, while other boys were learning how to throw things and prevent girls from beating them up.”

8.) “A certain kind of idiot thinks he’s made a great intellectual point by saying, ‘Follow the money.’”

7.) “The Left’s robotic speaking style helps explain why liberals have never been able to make a dent in talk radio, despite many tries…Being endlessly lectured by deadly earnest liberals is boring. Ask any Cuban.”

6.)“They have complained that he [Gustave Le Bon] merely ‘articulated the propertied classes’ fear of the mob.’ Who likes mobs? Renters? Window manufacturers? Rope salesmen?”

5.) “The French celebrate Bastille Day, a day when thousands of armed Parisians stormed a nearly empty prison, savagely murdered a half-dozen guards, defaced their corpses, and stuck heads on pikes, all in order to seize arms and gunpowder for more such tumults. It would be as if this country had a national holiday to celebrate the L.A. riots.”

4.) “Of course, as the leader of twelve apostles, even Jesus had more executive experience than Obama.”

3.) “There are only three memorable Republican slogans in the past half century – unless you count what Dick Cheney said to Pat Leahy on the Senate floor in 2004, in which case there have been four.”

2.) “Moreover, anyone who knows about these things knows that the United States has the worst intelligence-gathering operations in the world. The Czechs, the French, the Italians – even the Iraqis (who were trained by the Soviets) – have better intelligence. Burkina Faso has better intelligence – and their director of intelligence is a witch doctor. The marketing division of Wal-Mart has more reliable intel than the U.S. government.”

1.) “[Gary] Sick had been President Carter’s principal aide for Iran during the Iranian hostage crisis – as impressive a position as being FDR’s chief adviser on ‘sneak attacks’ in December 1941.”

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