1.) Auf Weiner-sehen — Was it the police investigation into Anthony Weiner’s alleged sexting with a 17-year-old? Was it the morally indignant call for his resignation by the porn star he asked to lie for him? Was it the shame of all his colleagues locking their doors at the sound of his sticky footsteps? Was he making a last-ditch attempt to avoid sleeping on the couch for the rest of his marriage? Or did his Clintonian wife give him the first good advice he’s heeded in the last three weeks? Whatever the reason, yesterday Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) finally said enough’s enough and threw in the spunkrag. Courtesy of TheDC’s Matthew Boyle, here’s what Weiner had to say for himself: “I apologize for the personal mistakes I have made and the embarrassment I have caused. I make this apology to my neighbors and my constituents, but I make it particularly to my wife Huma… I had hoped to be able to continue the work that the citizens of my district elected me to do, to fight for the middle class and those struggling to make it. Unfortunately, the distraction that I have created has made that impossible. So, today I am announcing my resignation from Congress.” Alas, poor Weiner! We knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jizz, of most excellent pantlessness. Where be your gibes now?
2.) Barbara Walters plumbs new depths of dumbness — It’s not nice to pick on a dotty old lady with a head full of bad ideas, but she keeps pouring them out on national TV. Baba Wawa is really worried about what’s going to happen to that poor, misunderstood Anthony Weiner and his wife. Whatever will they do now? Will they be forced to live on the street, sleeping in alleys and accepting loose change from Maddow fans? TheDC’s Jeff Poor reports: “On Thursday’s The View, Walters speculated what might have happened if Weiner had stuck it out, but said it was finally coming to a conclusion with the announcement of his resignation. ‘We don’t have any idea what [Huma] said. But she did come home on Tuesday and he did consult with her Tuesday night. And had he stayed, there would have been investigations by the House Ethics Committee… You know, we can make fun of him but in a way it’s a tragedy. He’s never had another job.'” It doesn’t seem to have occurred to Walters that this might be precisely the problem. If Weiner had spent any time in the private sector, maybe he’d have done a better job of sequestering his privates. Walters went on, because why stop now: “I mean, he’s got a whole life ahead and he has to worry also because we don’t know what Huma, who is three-months pregnant, is going to do.” They say the definition of chutzpah is a boy who kills his own parents and then pleads for the court’s mercy on the grounds that he’s an orphan. Barbara Walters would let that kid go. Assuming he was a Democrat.
3.) Larry Flynt makes Weiner an offer he can’t defuse — Don’t worry, Barbara. Anthony and Huma will be fine. Why, the job offers are rolling in already! Here’s one from none other than Hustler publisher Larry Flynt, who lent HuffPo a little class with the following open letter: “Mr. Weiner: After having learned of your sudden and compelled resignation from your Congressional post, I would like to make you an offer of employment at Flynt Management Group, LLC in our Internet group… This offer is not made in jest. To show our sincerity, Flynt Management Group, LLC is willing to pay twenty percent more than your Congressional salary, ensuring that your medical benefits would be equal to what you were previously receiving. While you will have to relocate to our corporate offices in Beverly Hills, California, we would pay for all relocation costs… While this employment opportunity is being offered in large part due to your qualifications and clear passion for making a change, I feel that your unfortunate resignation is a prime example of unfounded political pressure and the hypocrisy that has invaded democracy in Washington D.C.” Let’s hope Anthony takes this offer seriously. It’s the American dream: Getting paid to do what you love.
4.) John Edwards gets funny with the Bunny money — Another Friday, another attempt by John Edwards to steal the spotlight from Weiner. ABC News reports: “Just weeks before federal prosecutors charged John Edwards in a six-count felony indictment, ABC News has been told, the two-time Democratic presidential candidate requested millions of dollars from Rachel ‘Bunny’ Mellon, the banking heiress whose financial support of Edwards is at the center of the criminal case. One person with knowledge of the request confirmed the amount was in the millions of dollars but was unwilling to discuss why Edwards was seeking the money.” Well, what is he supposed to do, cut his own hair? Edwards met with Mellon again just a month ago, probably because the whole thing is completely above board. Why would he lie? Just to save his own skin? You know John Edwards better than that, America.
5.) Olbermann acting all Olbermanny again — Last night, hard-hitting reporter Keith Olbermann brought his Murrow-like gravitas to… um… Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. (Guess he didn’t want to give Leno the huge ratings boost.) Olby, finally freed from even the minimal journalistic standards of MSNBC, let fly with the following air-biscuit during a discussion of Anthony Weiner: “You know what’s next, right? Something with John Boehner. B-O-E-H-N-E-R. You know what his nickname is? His nickname is, is ‘Boner.’ He answers to that. All sorts of rumors about him too… Oh, yes. For a long time, for a long time. But there may not be ‘art,’ as they say.” In other words, Olbermann doesn’t actually have any proof behind his vague accusation. And why worry about such petty details? His side lost one yesterday, and it hurts, and he wants revenge. See, that’s where Olbermann shows much more integrity than, say, Andrew Breitbart. Not being a legitimate journalist, Breitbart didn’t go after Anthony Weiner until he had irrefutable proof and plenty of it. Whereas Olbermann, a respected newsman, waddles onto a second-tier talk show and spreads a rumor without any evidence, in the hopes that someone will find it for him. Assuming he actually cares whether or not it’s true. But hey, if Keith Olbermann had a reputation to protect, he wouldn’t be on Current TV.
6.) Today’s words of wisdom from Alec Baldwin’s Twitter feed — “Weiner’s actions: unconscionable. But reaction is unsettling. Too much of Blog-America are hate filled McCarthyites.”