Adding insult to injury, former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum saw his lackluster Saturday night debate performance compounded by a Saturday Night Live send-up. The variety show’s opening comedy sketch consisted of actor Andy Samberg impersonating Santorum in a mock speech to American voters.
Reflecting on his near-win against former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney in Tuesday’s Iowa caucuses, the fake Santorum claims that “had it not been for my opponent’s enormous financial advantage, and the usual Mormon trickery, we would surely have won outright.”
In the sketch, Santorum muses about his travels throughout Iowa’s 99 counties, including a stop at the Tama County fair, where he “sampled a local dessert specialty: a three-pound stick of butter, coated with Crisco, then deep-fried, dipped in a mixture of olive oil and ranch dressing, and covered with butterscotch frosting.”
“Only later did I learn that this was not an Iowa delicacy,” he added, “and that I had been the victim of a prank by the local branch of the College Democrats.”
Watch:
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Later, after promising to campaign in every one of America’s 3,141 counties, Santorum worries about one particularly “dangerous” county — San Francisco County, California.
The gay-friendly liberal enclave, he warns, “is home to literally thousands of angry pillow-biters and donut-bumpers.”
Life on the campaign trail is hard, he laments, and “in fact, it’s possible that I won’t even live to see the end of this campaign.
“If the lesbians don’t get me, the Mormon death squads probably will.”
With a hat-tip to the vulgar neologism that has become an omnipresent Internet proxy for his name, Santorum closes with a wish that “maybe one day, long after I’m gone, my grandchildren can look me up on Google, and find there something — y’know — different from what’s there now.”
David Martosko is The Daily Caller’s executive editor. Follow him on Twitter.