DC Trawler

Good news for Al “Whoopsie” Roker

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Last week we learned that Al Roker once crapped his pants in the White House. We know this because, for whatever reason, he thought it was a good idea to tell us.

According to Al, it happened because he’d had gastric bypass surgery the month before, but he still couldn’t stop stuffing his face. Why isn’t there some way to eat whatever you want without either getting fat or making a boom-boom in your trousers?

This sounds like a job for… Science!


For people who wish they could satisfy their food cravings without wearing them on their waistlines, a new device claims to have the answer, though experts are critical of it.

The gadget, called AspireAssist, sucks food out of the stomach before it has a chance to be absorbed by the body. The patient requires a procedure that places a tube in the stomach that connects to a port outside of the body. (The procedure does not require general anesthesia, although people are sedated with medication.) About 20 minutes after eating, people attach a device to the port, and “aspirate” the food they have eaten — in other words, empty the contents of their stomach.

Doesn’t that sound great? Makes sense to me: Spend a bunch of money on a revolting medical device that allows you to spend a bunch of money on food that then goes directly into the crapper. Why change your diet, or exercise more, or any of that junk? Just have ’em put in a gut-spigot and watch the pounds melt away! I’m not sure what’s the point of looking better naked if you have a beer tap coming out of you, but whatever.

Maybe the upcoming economic and social collapse that the Democrats are steering us toward is a good thing. Maybe we need this.

(Hat tip: AoS)

Tags : treacher
Jim Treacher