DC Trawler

We must keep guns out of our schools, even if they’re made of pastry or pixels

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We already know how dangerous it is to allow our children to bring bubble-guns and index fingers into the classroom. It seems like every week there’s a new, approximately gun-shaped object that’s putting our children at risk by being very clearly unable to fire projectiles of any kind.

Eric Owens reports on a new one:

Yet another student has been suspended for having something that represents a gun, but isn’t actually anything like a real gun.

This time, it was a breakfast pastry.

Josh Welch, a second-grader at Park Elementary School in Baltimore, Maryland, was suspended for two days because his teacher thought he shaped the strawberry, pre-baked toaster pastry into something resembling a gun. WBFF, the FOX affiliate in Baltimore, broke the story.

Okay, I’d have been on the kid’s side if he’d merely fashioned a facsimile of a deadly weapon out of a Pop Tart. But then he went too far and made a death threat: “Bang bang.” Wrong move, son. Throw the book at this thug. Just save a lot of time and trouble by putting him in jail right now. He’s obviously a murderer-in-waiting.

Speaking of future criminals, check out this other prospective hoodlum. Erica Blitz at The Blaze reports:

Actor, entrepreneur, and writer Joseph C. Phillips, best known for his roles as Martin Kendall on “The Cosby Show” and Justus Ward on “General Hospital,” says his son’s school threatened police action after the student showed his friends a picture of his new BB gun. They also reportedly questioned his “mental state.”

Phillips explained for radio host Tony Katz on Saturday that California social studies teacher James DeLarme was walking by when he saw Phillips’ son and his friends looking at the picture…

The teacher “snatched” the camera out of his hands, and when the teen asked when he would get it back, the teacher reportedly responded: “That’s for the police to decide.”

If pictures of BB guns are outlawed… good!

It’s not about what makes sense. It’s about indoctrinating kids. You have to intimidate innocent children as early as possible, or else they might grow up and realize that their rights don’t go away when somebody else abuses his rights.

If your kid’s school allows gum, you need to talk to the principal. Somebody might mispronounce it.

P.S. The Pop Tart Perpetrator has so traumatized the school administrators that they’ve sent home a letter to all the children’s parents. They definitely need some psychological help. The administrators, that is.