World doomed: Students know more about twerking than current events

Robby Soave Reporter
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In a video that likely foreshadows humanity’s much-deserved destruction in a coming apocalypse, college students at George Mason University demonstrated that they are better informed about twerking than they are about current events and government.

Dan Joseph, a reporter and videographer for MRC TV, recorded interviews with students at the Virginia university in which he asked them easy questions about government, such as ‘Who is Vladimir Putin?’ and ‘Who is the U.S. Secretary of State?’

The students–who are legal adults at or beyond voting age, not kindergartners—struggled to come up with the answers, and only a few did so, even after help. Several had never heard of Putin or John Kerry.

But when Joseph asked them what they knew about twerking–a dance fad that involves gratuitous butt-shaking–the students’ confused expressions disappeared.

“Basically, it’s when girls go and pop their butts in and out to certain music,” explained a female student who only moments before had failed to name the current Secretary of State, even after being given the hint that his name starts with a ‘J’ and ends with an erry.’

“It’s more of a talent here. It’s praised if you can twerk,” said another female student, who seemed well-versed in the social ramifications of being proficient in the recent pop culture dance craze, but had existed on earth for nearly two decades and spent years in the American education system without learning who Vladimir Putin is.

The notoriety of the twerking phenomenon has soared since Miley Cyrus’s disgusting performance at the Video Music Awards last month, where she bounced her butt against Robin Thicke, a musician best known for a hit song that features lyrics like “I’ll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two.”

The identities of John Kerry and Vladimir Putin, on the other hand, should be readily apparent to anyone even remotely engaged with the world, as the Syrian conflict continues to bring renewed tensions between Russia and the U.S. Unfortunately, the international crisis has involved very few rear ends jiggling to the tune of cultural decay, and has thus escaped most college students.

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