MERRY CHRISTMAS: Justin Bieber announces retirement

Taylor Bigler Entertainment Editor
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You Christmas wish came true! Justin Bieber, 19, announced his retirement from singing pop songs that you hear on the radio and then immediately change the channel.

The singer posted this ominous note to his Twitter account Tuesday, which promptly caused Beliebers around the world to OMFG LITERALLY DIE:

Just kidding! Because a few minutes later, he apparently changed his mind:

He also apparently took the time to claim that he will never die:

Could it possibly be that Bieber was attempting to drum up publicity for his documentary, “Believe,” that came out Christmas Day? Of course not. Who could be so cynical — and on Christmas, at that?

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