DC Trawler

Science proves it: Cats are stupid jerks

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I’m glad I’m not a cat person, because that would mean, well, being a cat person. And now Science has proven me right!

Chelsea Karnash, CBS Philly:

According to Dr. John Bradshaw, who’s studied felines for over 30 years and wrote the tome Cat Sense, cats were never bred for companionship. In fact, they tend to think of humans as big, lazy, overgrown fellow cats, which might explain some of that cool, disinterested behavior towards us.

An article from CBS Connecticut about Bradshaw’s books explains further, stating that “cats treat humans as though they were the mama cat…when a cat rubs against you with its tail straight in the air, it is checking to make sure you are not hostile” and that “if a cat “kneads” you, that’s how it used to get milk from its mother.”

In other words, what seems like feline affection might actually be perfunctory.

Of course it is. “Feline affection” is an oxymoron.

What’s that? You disagree? You think cats are sweet, loving friends of mankind? Well then, you hate Science. You are a kitty denier.

Cats are incapable of shame, or any emotion at all. But just because they don’t know we’re laughing at them doesn’t make it any less fun.

Ha ha ha! Cats. So useless. They’re like nature’s little Adam Sandlers.

(Hat tip: Ace of Spades)