If all you remember about Shakespeare is that he sweetly asked if he may compare thee to a summer’s day, think again.
Sure, he wrote romantic sonnets and tragic love stories, but he was also quite fond of extremely raunchy jokes. Like, really raunchy jokes and plays on words.
April 23, 2014 is (allegedly) William Shakespeare’s birthday — that is if “William Shakespeare” even existed at all and was not just an amalgamation of several different authors* — and so in honor of his important or meaningless day, here are six of Shakespeare’s dirtiest jokes.
6. “Othello”
This is probably the most famous of all of Shakespeare’s dirty lines. It isn’t exactly a joke, but it is an interesting way to say you saw someone having sex.
IAGO
I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.
5. “Titus Andronicus”
Shakespeare may have been the first to person to start the “your mom” genre of jokes. In his last play, he writes a scene where one character confronts his mother’s lover.
CHIRON
Thou hast undone our mother.
AARON
Villain, I have done thy mother.
4. “Henry V”
This is pretty self-explanatory.
PISTOL
Pistol’s cock is up,
And flashing fire will follow.
3. “Much Ado About Nothing”
Keep in mind that “to die” in Elizabethan times was a euphemism for having an orgasm and in this scene, Benedick is speaking to his lover, Beatrice.
BENEDICK
I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be
buried in thy eyes.
2. “Sonnet 151”
Shakespeare makes an epic boner joke in what is supposed to be a really romantic poem. Maybe his girlfriends were into that?
My soul doth tell my body that he may
Triumph in love: flesh stays no further reason
But rising at thy name doth point out thee
As his triumphant prize.
1. “The Taming of the Shrew”
All you need to know about this scene is that Petruchio is trying to seduce Katharina and this is how he goes about it.
PETRUCHIO
Who knows not where a wasp does
wear his sting? In his tail.
KATHARINA
In his tongue.
PETRUCHIO
Whose tongue?
KATHARINA
Yours, if you talk of tails: and so farewell.
PETRUCHIO
What, with my tongue in your tail?
*Obviously, this theory is total BS.
(h/t Mental Floss and Cracked)