DC Trawler

NIH To America: You Can Either Have Your Ebola Vaccine Or You Can Have Your Origami Condoms

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As we all know, the evil Republicans are giving everybody Ebola by cutting funding to efficient, responsible government agencies such as the National Institutes of Health. Why, the NIH is so underfunded, they can only spare a couple of million for developing better dong-wrappers.

As Elizabeth Harrington at the Washington Free Beacon reported last March:

Taxpayers have paid more than $2.4 million to develop “origami condoms,” including male and female versions, and the “first of its kind anal condom.”

Out to “reinvent the condom,” Los Angeles businessman Danny Resnic has completed the first rounds of testing for three variations based on Japanese folding paper, courtesy of the National Institutes of Health.

Perfecting his condoms would not be possible without the U.S. taxpayers. “Generous research and development funding” provided by the NIH supported Resnic’s company’s research and development and four Phase I clinical trials. Since 2006, he has received $2,466,482 to test the three variations…

“You can walk around and do most any activity with the condom pre-inserted,” Resnic said.

Think of it as a hazmat suit for your wang. You can go about your day, knowing that you and anybody you happen to come across will be safe from each other’s bodily fluids.

Would you buy a new condom from this man?

Interview with the Inventor from ORIGAMI Condoms on Vimeo.

He seems like a trustworthy sort, doesn’t he? Your tax dollars are safe with him. As Harrington reported in May:

The inventor of the “origami condom” has been accused of fraud and having used taxpayer money to go on lavish trips, attend parties at the Playboy mansion, get plastic surgery in Costa Rica, and purchase a condo in Provincetown, Mass.

Why not? It isn’t his money. It’s yours.

And that’s just a fraction of the almost $40 million the NIH has spent on vital programs like studying lesbian obesity, getting old people to join choirs, texting drunks in bars, monitoring gay schizophrenic Canadians in Toronto… The list goes on and on.

Why only $40 million? You guessed it: Republicans and their heartless budget cuts. If they didn’t want you to get Ebola, they’d throw even more money at the NIH. Guess they want you to die horribly.

Update: As for the CDC? Ebola caught ’em flatfooted, but they’ve got you covered when it comes to a zombie apocalypse.