The Mirror

Wesley Lowery Is So ‘Completely Exhausted’ By Social Media That He Started A Tumblr

Betsy Rothstein Gossip blogger
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Washington Post activist reporter Wesley Lowery is like an alcoholic when it comes to social media. He wants to stop imbibing. He really does. He’s had enough of his metaphorical lunchtime shots of Jager and vodka at his desk that he quietly pours into his punch. He can barely remember the evenings anymore because things got too toxic.

People have been so very mean to him and absolutely none of it was his fault or a direct result of his pompousness and activism while covering the Ferguson death of an unarmed black teen.

It’s a new year. [Insert fireworks here.] So he’s said “goodbye” to Twitter and fired up his very own Tumblr to start a blog where he thinks he has more control over words and their interpretation. “It’s like he’s starting his own Vox,” said a media insider, “except instead of explaining the news, he’s explaining Wesley Lowery.”

In a letter to readers, Lowery writes, “This is an experiment, not sure how long it will last. But, as the end of 2014 approaches I find myself completely exhausted by social media and looking for a change in platforms.”

Oh, poor Lowery is completely exhausted. Somebody get him a pillow. No time for naps. Where would we all be if we didn’t have Lowery’s bitchy me-ification of journalism on display at all times? Where would we be without his intense bickering with GotNewsCharles Johnson? Or his admonishing of MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough for being a subpar journalist who doesn’t have the balls to go to Ferguson?

Note to WaPo editors: His Tumblr account clearly needs an editor.

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Here, in one single, spectacular sentence, he manages to be self-aggrandizing and blame others for his thin skin: “But in a year in which several stories I covered ended up at the center of national discussion, I found it increasingly difficult to take the sharp words and attacks of others online as anything except personal.”

So far, he is sort of sticking to his New Year’s resolution after taking to Twitter on Dec. 31 at 9:10 p.m. to announce that he was leaving: “2015 resolution: Never Tweet.”

Since then, he has tweeted 10 times, mostly to unravel his feelings about the death of ESPN’s Stuart Scott. In this one, he managed to make it autobiographical: “Lot of big egos in this field – then there was Stuart Scott, who personally encouraged countless young brothers who just want to be like him.” Big egos, huh?

In an attempt to understand the ramifications of Lowery making this bold move, we turn to Charles Johnson.

“What a loser. Doesn’t that sum it up?” said Johnson in a phone conversation with The Mirror. “Wesley Lowery basically trades on the reputation of the Washington Post. His favorite topic is Wesley Lowery. He should quit the Washington Post and start his own website. It’s more fun. And come on, Tumblr? We’re adults here. I am looking forward to the Wesley Lowery Pinterest. Wesley Lowery is a joke. I’m embarrassed by him.”

Johnson predicts Lowery will be back on Twitter, but says he’d consider paying him to stay off. “He’s such a narcissist,” he remarked.

In honor of Wesley’s Lowery’s new Tumblr account, we’re giving him a campy care package of items to soothe his soul.

1. A rug for nap time so he’s not so “exhausted.”

2. New pens that won’t explode in his pocket so he can use a notebook rather than get tempted by Twitter.

3. A book by Charles Johnson, Why Coolidge Matters, just to keep him occupied by the words of his arch nemesis should he start daydreaming about Twitter.

4. A book by Joan Walsh: What’s The Matter With White People? So he can contemplate the complexities of why a police officer thought he was Caucasian and Arab.

5. Another book he’ll enjoy: My Book About Me. By ME Myself: I Wrote it! I Drew It! 

6. A pacifier for when he wants to start accusing people of racism for criticizing him. (For example, calling him “cranky” is not racist.)

7. A rape whistle, so when he bumps into a soda machine again, he has something do other than pull out his smartphone.

Who is he kidding? Look for Lowery back on Twitter full-time sometime soon. Even he heavily hints that this “experiment” won’t last. “So I’m here, in this space. Not sure for how long…Here’s to telling more of those stories — with less of the petty social media fights — in 2015.”

Please note, less, not none. A man can only make so many promises in one sitting.