WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS CONTENT THAT MAY TRIGGER ANYONE WHO IS OFFENDED BY RACIAL SLURS AND ENJOYS MUSIC
If you don’t know who Azealia Banks is, there are only two explanations:
- You’re a racist.
- Just kidding, that was it.
She’s a rapper/singer/whatever who’s less known for her music than for her feuds, or “beefs,” with more popular and/or talented artists. She picks fights with people like Iggy Azalea, Eminem, Lady Gaga, and then a bunch of other people you’ve never heard of because of #1 above.
Banks has been forced to do this for publicity purposes, because her music sounds like this:
Are you still there?
Well, if you’re white — which you must be, or else you wouldn’t be reading this — you won’t be there for much longer. Azealia Banks doesn’t like you, she doesn’t want you around, and she knows exactly what to do about it.
Thanks to the miracle of Twitter, here’s a direct look into the mind of this modern-day philosopher:
I’m really a witch.
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) January 8, 2015
But really, its all about magic. The most magical people are the ones who have to deal with oppression, because the non-magical are jealous.
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) January 10, 2015
That’s why Jews and Blacks have been persecuted over and over again throughout history. because they have the most magic.
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) January 10, 2015
Aryans have no magic, and they are mad about it.
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) January 10, 2015
So all I’m trying to say is that black people are naturally born SEERS, DIVINERS, WITCHES AND WIZARDS.
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) January 10, 2015
we have REAL supernatural powers, and the sooner we ALL learn to cultivate them and access the them, the sooner we can REALLY fix shit.
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) January 10, 2015
I’m really not joking. I’m so so serious
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) January 10, 2015
Well, duh. This is the only possible explanation for the career of Kevin Hart.
And now for the really good part:
Seriously, once all YALL black people learn how to kill+sicken people without actually touching them the sooner we really get from under …
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) January 12, 2015
Whiteys foot…. Yall niggas think I’m playing.
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) January 12, 2015
I don’t give a fuck if yall think I’m crazy, I know what I’m talking about,
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) January 12, 2015
It’s time to make them Pay.
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) January 12, 2015
I don’t think she’s crazy, I do think she knows what she’s talking about, and there’s not a doubt in my mind that she’s going to make me Pay. But then, I’ve done the required reading:
(It’s only a matter of time before the Marvel movie empire gets around to this guy. I just hope Idris Elba isn’t too old by then. Chiwetel Ejiofor, maybe? Anybody but Will Smith, please.)
Anyway, if you don’t believe Azealia Banks can sicken you without touching you, try listening to that song again. Go ahead.
See?
Oh, and if you’re one of the good whiteys, and you want to put a voodoo curse on somebody you don’t like — let’s say, oh, you want to make everybody think a guy raped you when he really didn’t — ish ya girl.
Me and @lenadunham r going to the Knicks game tonight!
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) January 8, 2015
