It’s Valentine’s Day, America — the day of the year when we celebrate the glory of romantic love. And what better form of celebration than to have a math teacher read a filthy, raunchy, embarrassingly sexually explicit poem aloud, right there in class, at a taxpayer-funded public high school?
That was the scene at Nederland High School in Nederland, Texas, just southeast of Beaumont, according to local ABC affiliate KBMT.
The unnamed teacher read the vulgar poem aloud to a class full of pimple-faced freshmen, according to angry parents.
The day when the teacher busted out the rhyme isn’t clear. However, school officials suspended the teacher, presumably after parents complained.
He has since resigned.
The bawdy poem of 12 short, four-line stanzas isn’t traceable to an author. It appears to have been winding around in the ether of the Internet for many years now — mostly on websites full of dirty jokes and Angelfire domains which somehow still exist.
Local parents are unhappy.
“It’s awful what’s happening to the morals,” parent Roseanne Lalko told KBMT. “Definitely this person doesn’t need to teach anymore, ever.”
Another parent, Jerry Windham, agreed.
“Children know enough without him having to push it,” Windham said.
“It starts out with Adam and Eve in the garden,” the mad dad added. “He might need to go back and study his Bible if he’s got one. If not, he needs to get one and see what it’s really about.”
Nederland High principal Steven Beagle issued a statement about the kerfuffle.
“I want to assure you as a parent that the district takes complaints of this nature very seriously,” Beagle said, according to The Beaumont Enterprise. “The actions I take as principal of Nederland High School are always guided by what is best for our students.”
Here is the entire poem in all its dirty, juvenile splendor:
In the Garden of Eden,
As everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve,
Without any clothes.
In this garden,
Were two little leaves,
One covered Adam’s,
One covered Eve’s.
As the story goes on,
Never the less to say,
The wind came along,
And blew the leaves away.
At the sight,
Adam did stare,
There was Eve’s treasure,
All covered with hair.
And wonder came,
Under Eve’s eyes,
As Adam’s thing,
Started to rise.
They found a spot,
That suited them best,
A nice big tree,
Where they began to rest.
Her legs spread wider,
And wider apart,
While thrill after thrill,
Came into her heart.
The head of Adam’s thing,
Peeked into the hole,
And filled her with passion,
Beyond her control.
Backward and forward,
His thing did slide,
And Eve’s treasure,
Was all wet inside.
The joy was good,
She wouldn’t let loose,
Until Adam’s thing,
Was all out of juice.
Then down through the years,
People did screw,
And now it is time,
For me and you.
So pull down your pants,
And lay in the grass,
Cause I’m in the mood,
For a piece of that ASS!
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