Trump Sits Down For An Exclusive Interview With Himself

Derek Hunter Contributor
Font Size:

In a shocking turn of events, Donald Trump, GOP candidate for president, deemed no media outlet worthy of him and, as a result, he purchased airtime on all the networks to air an exclusive one-on-one interview with the only person worthy of asking him anything – himself.

The full 8-hour interview is embargoed until it airs, but the Trump Organization has released the following transcripted excerpts.

Donald: Donald, you’re leading in the polls…

Trump: I’m leading in all the polls.

Donald: That’s right, all the polls. Yet some people still have other candidates they support more. How is that possible?

Trump: That’s a good question. I think you know as well as I do that these polls are cooked, they’re biased. I think they do it for ratings, I don’t know, but they feel the need to make this seem like not everyone views Trump as presidential. They’re idiots for doing it, but some people are idiots. I’ll tell you one thing, they’d get much higher ratings if they only talked about Trump.

***Break In Transcript***

Donald: Mr. Trump, you recently outraged some whiny babies, like Red State’s Erick Erickson, by comments you made about Megyn Kelly of Fox News. Critics and people jealous of both your lead in the polls and your money and fame, have said you were implying she was on her period when she asked you some totally over the line questions about things you actually said and did in the past. Is this just envy on their part, or are they bought off by people envious of you?

Trump: Excellent question. Look, I have nothing against lady journalists and their cycles; they can have all the cycles they want. And I was referring to her nose, I just couldn’t think of the word at the time because it’s not something I say often: “nose.” My nose is probably better than just about every other nose out there, so I never think about it. I’m too busy negotiating billion dollar deals with China to think about my nose, that’s why I have a crew on staff to come in and pick it for me while I sleep.

As for whether or not these people envy me or they’re paid by people who are, it’s something I’ve thought a lot about. And there is no one answer. Some are jealous of my golf courses, which are the best in the world, and they probably can’t afford to play on them, so they hate me for that. Others clearly have a problem with my lead in the polls, where I’m number one, by the way. In all the polls.

So I’d have to say it’s a bit of both. It’s ugly, it’s unfortunate, but it’s not surprising. I’ve been dealing with this my whole life. Just because I’m leading in all the polls doesn’t mean I expected it go away.

Donald: Speaking of Megyn Kelly, did you feel her nasty, combative and unprofessional questions to you crossed the line?

Trump: It’s pretty clear to me that she crossed the line. This is a race for president and was kind enough to submit myself to questions at a debate, allowing Fox to get the highest ratings in the history of history because I was there, by the way, and she asks me about things I’ve done and said in the past? Chris Wallace and Bret what’s-his-face were bad, but Megyn was awful. She’s a terrible journalist, and I’m even hesitant to use that word because she was so bad, but she was embarrassing.

The other losers on the stage, she could’ve asked anything. They’re losers, no one cares what they think. But people want to hear from Trump about how he’s going to make everything the best in the world. I only got a few chances to mention I am going to make everything great because that lady journalist was too busy asking questions I didn’t want asked.

Everyone agrees that I won the debate, in spite of the attempt by Fox to ruin me by using my own words against me, so it didn’t work. As for my comments about “blood” coming out of her, I can’t control how people take my words. I should really sue Fox, but I probably won’t. Just next time I hope they have men only, and good men only, asking questions. If they want to throw in a post-menopausal woman, that’s fine. As long as she’s not getting hot flashes.

***Break In Transcript***

Donald: You have this excellent plan to make everything the best in the world, yet critics have accused you of not offering specifics. Aside from their jealousy of you, your money, your fame, your beautiful wife, why do you think that is?

Trump: That’s a great question. Well, you’ve sort of hit the nail on the head, haven’t you? They see Trump with this wonderful life, the best of everything and all this class, and they realize how miserable they are. So they try to shift it to a discussion of plans, specific plans. They want to know how I’m going to make everything the greatest in the world.

I’m not going to tell them because I know they would just steal the ideas.

I get calls all the time from journalists – real journalists, not lady journalists who shouldn’t be swimming in the ocean for fear of attracting sharks – how tell me they know I will make everything the greatest the world has ever seen.

But people who are jealous, who aren’t leading in the polls – all the polls, by the way – cry and scream about specifics. Here’s a specific for you: Have you see Trump Tower? Did any of them build that? No, I did. If I can build that, don’t you think I can turn the economy around and make it the greatest, most classy economy in the world?

So they can whine about no specifics, but I point to the polls – where I’m leading in all of them – and I point to Trump Tower. If one of them built a skyscraper I might take them seriously. But since they haven’t, why should I bother?

***Break In Transcript***

Donald: People who are worth a lot less than you are – and I mean a lot less, like billions less – say you have no foreign policy experience. They’re morons, but take a second to punch down and respond to them.

Trump: That’s a great point; none of them are worth anywhere close to what I’m worth.

Look, I get calls from people in Russia and in China all the time saying, “Please Mr. Trump, don’t run for president. We don’t want to have to surrender to you and have our economy completely ruled by your awesomeness.” I’m not going to say who calls me, but if I did you’d be amazed.

So, now that I’m leading in the polls – all the polls – they’re starting to worry more. That makes the other candidates, if you can even call them that, nervous. I don’t blame them. They know I can negotiate, I’ve done it before, and that makes them jealous.

***Break In Transcript***

Donald: I want to thank me for taking the time to sit down with me, I know I’m a busy, important and classy man.

Trump: It was your pleasure. I’m just glad you didn’t try to ambush me with lady journalists questions.