A lot of people say the Global War On Climate Change is nothing more than power politics of perpetual grievance. Pshaw! My country right or wrong, I say. Why, my mercury rises just thinking about deniers! If you cannot be on the front, then find another way to support our troops. I fall into that category, and my contribution to the war effort is this song, to be sung to the tune of When Johnny Comes Marching Home:
When Temperature’s Cold As Nome
When temperature’s cold as Nome again
Hurrah! Hurrah!
Hipsters will break out pea coats and then
Hurrah! Hurrah!
With joy the ladies will sing this song:
No more Gore parading in a thong
And we’ll all feel gay when temperature’s cold as Nome
When fossil fuels we don’t employ
Hurrah! Hurrah!
Mumbai will claim sounds like a ploy
Hurrah! Hurrah!
U.S., we’ll find black coal less dear
Just give us our two hundred years
And we’ll all feel gay when temperature’s cold as Nome
With California in the sea
Hurrah! Hurrah!
A doomsday picture verily
Hurrah! Hurrah!
But if we’re off by years forsooth
That’s just an inconvenient truth
And we’ll all feel gay when temperature’s cold as Nome
It’s settled science so they say
Hurrah, Hurrah!
Did you learn nothing on Earth Day?
Hurrah, hurrah!
With things just cooler by two degrees
We’ll conquer the hearts of those jayvees
And we’ll all feel gay when temperature’s cold as Nome
