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Cave To Iran

President Barack Obama
Scoops Delacroix Freelance Writer
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I took in Jersey Boys the other night and I must say, I found the performance not to my liking. All the planets lined up for Frankie Valli’s understudy, who got called up to the show. What he lacked in stage experience he more than made up for in confidence, for he seemed bound and determined to fundamentally transform the role. This was my suspicion, anyway, as he sang the opening number inexplicably backed by grandiose Greek columns. My suspicion was confirmed when he ad-libbed the show’s signature song, Walk Like A Man:

Cave To Iran

Oo woo-oo-oo oo woo-oo-oo
Wop wop wop wop
Oo woo-oo-oo oo woo-oo-oo
Cave to Iran

Oh how you tried
To have me vilified
Republicans my garments you would rend
But Dreams of My Father
If read it you did bother
You’d know how it all is gonna end

Val said to cave to Iran
Fast as you can
Cave to Iran, my son
Barack, this is settled
When have Persians meddled?
So cave to Iran, my son

Oo woo-oo-oo oo woo-oo-oo
Wop wop wop wop
Oo woo-oo-oo oo woo-oo-oo

Fine, I’ll send Kerry
Sending Biden would be scary
He’ll find a way to get a deal in place
Yes, he may go on a bender
If he hears from a bartender
That dreaded question: why the long face?

I’m gonna cave to Iran
Fast as I can
Cave to Iran it’s true
Val says they’re the nicest
Been years since the hostage crisis
So I’ll cave to Iran for you 

Oo woo-oo-oo oo woo-oo-oo
Wop wop wop wop
Oo woo-oo-oo oo woo-oo-oo
Wop wop wop wop
Oo woo-oo-oo oo woo-oo-oo
Wop wop wop wop
Oo woo-oo-oo oo woo-oo-oo 

Come to think of it, I liked the show better with the old guy in the lead. He didn’t promise that the rise of the ocean would begin to slow, or that our planet would begin to heal with his performance. He just sang it the best he could.

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Neil Patel