With the November presidential election fast approaching, many voters are conflicted about which of the lousy choices being offered they should pull the lever for. These two charts might add some clarity.
Top Ten Clues You’re a Trump Supporter
- You have no problem voting for a guy with a dead ferret on his head.
- You get a tingle up your leg every time you say “Yuge!”
- You think Trump has all of the foreign policy experience he needs since he likes to date and marry leggy Eastern European women with hard to pronounce first names.
- You’re impressed that Trump’s ride is nicer than Air Force One.
- You’re not worried about all the nonsense Trump says since you’ve never seen a politician keep a single campaign promise in your entire adult life.
- Anyone who personally shaves Vince McMahon’s head at WrestleMania gets your vote.
- You prefer reruns of “The Apprentice” over anything they have on PBS.
- Anyone who has the “Euro-Eunuch’s”, who won’t even protect their own women, reaching for smelling salts is your kind of guy.
- You have to admire anyone tough enough to stand up to Megyn Kelly.
- You’d give anything to hear him tell the spineless GOP Establishment, “You’re Fired!”
Top Ten Clues You’re a Clinton Supporter
- You have a secret pantsuit fetish.
- You’ve Googled “Hillary’s accomplishments,” so the next time anyone asks you wouldn’t be stumped.
- Despite her age, weight, thyroid problem, fainting spells and frequent coughing fits you believe that any request for Hillary’s full medical records is another example of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy attacking her.
- You think General Petraeus sharing his diary with his mistress is a hanging offense but 55,000 pages of secret emails on a server a bright junior high student could hack is no biggie.
- You agree with Hillary that asking a woman to pay 10 bucks a month for her own birth control pills is an example of the War on Women.
- After watching the Clintons lie, cut corners and line their pockets for over two decades you are still the poster child for the slogan “you can fool some of the people all of time.”
- Your reaction to learning Hillary charged a quarter of a million a pop to give speeches to colleges and bankers is, “You go girl!”
- You’ve dropped the phrases “Bimbo Eruptions” and “drag a $100 bill through a trailer park” down your personal memory hole.
- You honest to God believe the billions sketchy foreign governments and despots gave to the Clinton Foundation was done out of the goodness of their hearts and not to buy future influence with Team Clinton.
- You can’t see the delicious irony of Hillary wanting to occupy the same office where Bill and Monica got busy.
Rod Pennington has had 14 consecutive Kindle #1 niche Bestsellers and his dark comedy series about a dysfunctional family of four of the world’s best assassins is currently in development in Hollywood.