Here’s some solid, universally-applicable advice, ladies: Don’t have sex with dogs. If you choose to ignore this advice, don’t ever — ever — allow your canine sexual dalliances to be recorded for posterity.
With this helpful counsel firmly in mind, meet Hannah Marie Haynes and Miranda Johns.
Sheriff’s deputies in the tiny town of Chesnee, S.C. arrested Haynes earlier this month after a tipster forwarded a video to them allegedly showing she and a dachshund performing unspecified sexual acts, reports local CBS affiliate WPSA-TV.
Haynes, 23, reportedly filmed the videos herself. Shen then sent the videos to an unidentified man. The man then sent the video featuring the dachshund and Haynes to police.
“Hannah Marie Haynes did carnally copulate” with a dachshund, a March 9 affidavit obtained by the Smoking Gun dutifully explains.
Haynes was then arrested, apparently on a single count of carnally copulating against the natural order with a man or beast. She was later released on a $5,000 bond.
Meanwhile, police in Naples, Fla. arrested Johns, 21, last week. Her story was basically the same.
However, Johns allegedly bested Haynes by filming herself having sex with two dogs, according to Fort Meyers NBC affiliate WBBH-TV.
Johns’s boyfriend informed police about the existence of the illicit video during the course of a domestic complaint call.
The dogs belong to Johns, police said. The breed of the dogs is unclear.
Johns faces a pair of charges for engaging in sexual conduct with animals. She was arrested and released on a $6,000 bond.
In 2013, a Maryland grand jury indicted 45-year-old Stephanie Mikles on a charge that she had “sexual intercourse with a dog.” The allegations came to light a few years after the fact, and the canine continued to live with Mikles, a teacher, in her family’s home home in bucolic Harford County. (RELATED: Cops Say They Have Photos Of Maryland Teacher Doing It With Family Dog)