There are poor losers — and then there’s five steps below that: the Cato Institute.
It’s an American libertarian think tank that apparently can’t handle losing at softball.
So after The Daily Caller whipped their asses this week, they shot out a mass email trashing the news organization.
And why? Because they LOST. You hear that Cato? You LOST and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it but send out a truly loser-filled email explaining how the loss doesn’t mean anything because The Daily Caller is this, that the other. Yeah, I’ll get to what Cato said in a minute, but not before reminding the world that you LOST to The Daily Caller and can’t handle it and therefore issued some ridiculous email from a “man” named Skip.
Have a nice long weekend, Skippy.
And just remember this: You guys LOST to The Daily Caller. And not even by just a little but by a lot: The final crushing score was 12-4. This must be heartbreaking, especially since you guys would’ve had a perfect season had it not been for The Daily Caller.
But no, your record is 10-1.
And to top it all off, you’re terrible losers.
Hope this was good therapy for you, Skip.
But here’s a thought for you: Practice more. Bitch less.
And just so you know, our publication has never endorsed Donald Trump. If you actually got your head out of your ass and read our stories you might know that.
As for the so-called “illegal bat” that Cato claims was used, I sought guidance from TheDC’s own sports writer David Hookstead.
“The bat used by The Daily Caller was 100% legal,” Hookstead told The Mirror. “Perhaps Cato should spend a little more time practicing and a hell of a lot less time worrying about what equipment we use. Winners focus on themselves. Losers focus on what winners are doing.”
Photo credit: Shutterstock.
Here’s what Cato had to say about The Daily Caller.
The email was addressed to: “Dawgs.”
The Daily Caller proved to be too much for us. But with that said, it took them bringing in three former college baseball players and an illegal bat to bring us down. Holding a team like that to 12 runs is a testament to the strong game we played last night. If we could’ve found some more holes in their defense and gotten some more runners on base, things may have been different, but we just couldn’t find any wiggle room. The Bud Light Lime Player of the Week this week is none other than Karl “TXK” Meisenbach, who went 3-3 at the plate, including a two-RBI double in the top of the 1st Inning. Karl also provided the fire for our bellies last night, keeping up the vocal support for the Dawgs right up until the last out. The Defensive Gem(s) of the Week presented by Fireball Whiskey go to Harry Kalsted and Clint Townsend, who both made fantastic ranging grabs in the outfield that would’ve otherwise been sure extra-base hits. Also, special shouts to Anthony Gruzdis’ girlfriend, Molly Reynolds, for stepping up for us in a major way and holding it down behind the plate!
I tend to think moral victories are bullshit, but in this case I think we can all go back to our jobs here at Cato secure in the knowledge that we don’t write stupid clickbait-y headlines that pander to the lowest common denominator for a webpage that’s essentially a gigantic pop-up ad for Cash4Gold. I’d love to compare them to some other terrible faux-news operation, but they’re usually the ass-end of the joke for me. I’d compare them to Breitbart, but that’s almost an insult to Breitbart. I bet even Alex Jones laughs every time he sees a Daily Caller tweet. And at the end of the day, no matter how far they go in the playoffs, those mouth-breathers have to return to their lives at one of the propaganda arms tentacles of the Trump campaign. So, tell me, who are the real losers here?
Phew! Getting that off my chest feels good.
GO DAWGS!
— Skip
A Daily Caller source wrote into The Mirror and spoke on condition of anonymity:
“A huge portion of The Daily Caller is strongly libertarian and attacking us exemplifies how small-tent and obsessed with infighting libertarians are. They could barely agree to nominate Gary Johnson, instead squabbling over minor differences to promote candidates with even smaller changes of winning. It’s a shame because I (and all the people I sit near) am generally libertarian and I wish they could stop the infighting long enough to accomplish anything.
I don’t know this guy Skip, but I don’t imagine he’s typical of Cato staff. He probably signed up thinking it’s like the ACLU and works exclusively on social issues. It’s just lame that this guy doesn’t even read TheDC, which is the only way to be so ignorant to think that we’re more Trumpian than Breitbart or Trumpian at all.
TheDC runs a bunch of stuff that could be considered to be in favor of loosening laws on things like drugs and other vices. Certainly we are concerned with federal spending.
And sure, we may draw eyeballs to our investigative reporting (often exposing the perils of too much regulation) by supplementing them with articles about scantily-clad pop culture figures, but that’s no worse than Cato’s work showing the perils of too much regulation and not getting any eyeballs at all. I think our work is more impactful as a result.”