There are two ironclad facts that everybody with the slightest bit of sense can agree on: 1) Animals are dumb, and 2) Scientists are always right about everything. In the ’70s, scientists predicted a looming Ice Age. Thirty years later, they predicted the North Pole would melt by 2013. Both times they were right, even if the facts were a bit reluctant to cooperate. That’s what science is: People making assertions that other people aren’t allowed to question because shut up.
Here’s the latest such scientific assertion, and if you hate the animal kingdom as much as I do, it’s welcome news indeed. Ben Westcott, CNN:
More than two thirds of the world’s wildlife could be gone by the end of the decade if action isn’t taken soon, a new report from the World Wildlife Fund revealed on Thursday…
“This is definitely human impact, we’re in the sixth mass extinction. There’s only been five before this and we’re definitely in the sixth,” WWF conservation scientist Martin Taylor told CNN…
“Governments (need) to take action to halt the slow death of the planet because it isn’t just affecting wild species it’s affecting us too. This is a threat to our future as a species, what we’re doing to the planet,” he said.
“We only have one planet if we screw it up then we’re gone.”
Conservation scientist Martin Taylor is right, you know. If you don’t believe him, just look down. How many planets do you see under your feet?
Science!
So pull up your calendar and mark this date: October 27, 2020. It’s a Tuesday. And by that Tuesday, two-thirds of all wildlife on Earth will be gone. And not too long after that, the human race will finally be free of our enemies forever. No more animals. They’ll all go join Harambe and Cecil in Critter Heaven, leaving human beings alone once and for all. We’ll finally have this place to ourselves.
Whew.