The Mirror

You’ll Never Eat Vegetables Again After Watching This PETA Ad

By RAndrei/Shutterstock.

Betsy Rothstein Gossip blogger

PETA has a new campaign to entice men to eat their vegetables. They say it increases stamina — if you know what they mean. By that, they mean swinging vegetable penises.

The group that has routinely dressed up shapely women in lettuce bikinis and sent them to Capitol Hill, is again trying to make a statement. In the era of reality politics, they had to avoid anything wimpy. If you juxtapose PETA’s new campaign to President Trump bringing fast food burgers to the White House this week to celebrate Clemson’s Tigers, the dichotomy is striking.

The deeper philosophical meaning in the video is not so eloquent. It seems traditional masculinity is bad. But being vegan means you have a MASSIVE dick and tons of stamina.

There is no hiding that Trump enjoys putting his masculinity on display. He once made a big dick joke at a presidential debate. It was 2016 during a GOP presidential debate. Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) — whose campaign nickname was “Liddle Marco” — made a crack about Trump’s small hands. 

“He’s always calling me Little Marco, ” Rubio said. “And I’ll admit he’s taller than me. He’s like 6’2, which is why I don’t understand why his hands are the size of someone who is 5’2,” Rubio said in Virginia on Sunday. “And you know what they say about men with small hands? You can’t trust them.”

During the debate, Trump counter-punched: “Look at those hands, are they small hands?” Trump asked, showing off his palms. “And, he referred to my hands — ‘if they’re small, something else must be small.’ I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee.”

Fast forward to this week: He was proud of all that meat in the White House. 

PETA is attacking masculinity from a different angle — namely presenting vegetables and fruit as penises.

The entire video is comprised of liberal-looking men, some with wild, curly hair, thrusting away with vegetables like long, pointy carrots, red hot chilis, eggplant, cucumber and bananas attached to their crotches. Balls were presented in the form of large naval oranges.

At one point, two people hose down a beefcake man at a car wash. He’s gyrating in a red jumpsuit with a banana and two lemons.

These words flash on the screen. Their message couldn’t be more clear: “Increase your sexual stamina. Go vegan.”

There’s no ageism here. By which I mean an older balding lad with white hair dances with what appears to be a girthy zucchini attached to him. How he stays upright is beyond me. Alternatively, this may be summer squash or a Santa Claus melon, but I’m going with abnormally large zucchini on this one.

I’m thinking Gorilla Glue?

David Harsanyi, senior editor for the right-leaning The Federalist, had a profound reaction to the video.

The video is NSFW.

Please do not accidentally send to grandma.

Admission from The Mirror: Apparently I don’t know all my vegetables. I’m in a café googling “vegetables that look like penises.” I’m slightly ashamed to admit I had to ask my coworkers for help.