The best job posting of all time is explorer Ernest Shackleton’s call for crew members to join him on an Antarctic expedition:
“Men wanted for hazardous journey. Low wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success.”
Today, I think I found the worst job posting of all time:
“Oscar Mayer seeks a Wienermobile Spokesperson. If you relish in the chance to hitch a ride in a 27-foot Hot Dog this is the job for you! $35,600 base salary. Bachelors degree required.”
Job Opportunity!
Oscar Mayer seeks a Wienermobile Spokesperson. If you relish in the chance to hitch a ride in a 27-foot Hot Dog this is the job for you! $35,600 base salary. Bachelors degree required. https://t.co/STrZV54uAx
— Daybook (@DaybookJobs) November 14, 2023
Excuse me, what? Why the hell do you need a four-year degree to drive around the country in a giant hot dog?
Apparently, Oscar Mayer’s “Hotdogger Program” (cringe) functions as a one-year talent development course designed to “grow future leaders of the company, and create gamechangers, innovators, and cultural champions” (very cringe). In addition to driving the big wiener, Hotdoggers are also expected to post TikTok videos, line up interviews with local media and make appearances at “retail events, charity functions, and a variety of other activities.”
So far, it seems like you need to be able to a) drive, b) work a smartphone, c) schedule stuff and d) talk to people without sounding stupid. And if you didn’t already know how to do that, the Hotdogger Program begins with “[t]wo weeks of immersive onboarding and relevant job training” and includes “[o]n-going coaching and mentorship.”
Don’t get me wrong. The Wienermobile is an American icon, and I think I speak for all my fellow patriots when I say that whoever’s driving it must be the cream of the crop. But are we really sure that the ideal Hotdogger must be a college graduate? (RELATED: Not Even The Wienermobile Is Safe From Catalytic Converter Theft)
I’d like to believe that somewhere out there in flyover country there lives a proletarian genius, a mute inglorious Milton who can both drive a car and google the phone numbers of local radio stations. Given the chance, he might rise through the ranks, aiming that 27-foot cylinder of pseudo-meat at the sky and flooring it straight into the stars, where he’ll be immortalized among the pantheon of lunch meat’s greatest cultural champions.
Sadly, our hero will never get that opportunity. A bachelor’s degree is the membership card for the elite class of knowledge workers. If you want to be the guy ordering DoorDash instead of the guy delivering it, you’d better get yourself one.
It shouldn’t be that way. In my back-of-the-envelope opinion, maybe 10 percent of people should go to college (over 60 percent currently do). The only majors for which a traditional classroom environment is really beneficial are the humanities (literature, history, philosophy) and the hard sciences (biology, math, physics).
Almost everything else would be better learned in some kind of apprenticeship program. You don’t need 67 credits worth of business classes to send emails and update spreadsheets.
The ugly truth is that corporations use universities as a free screening system. Free for the corporations, that is. Taxpayers shell out billions and dumb 18-year-olds take on billions more in debt so companies can spend less time sorting through applicants. (RELATED: Student Loan Payments Resume After 3-Year Hiatus)
The even uglier truth is that employers don’t actually care whether you learn anything in college. It’s more about establishing “culture fit.” If you survived four years of woke university administrators, you probably won’t cause too many problems for HR.
Richard Nixon said it best: “the universities are the enemy.” Their poison seeps into every institution of American life. If conservatives want to fight back, they should do everything in their power to open up paths to success that don’t require $80,000 in debt and four years in a leftist re-education camp.
But this doesn’t have to be a partisan thing. On his first day in office, Pennsylvania Gov. Josh Shapiro signed an executive order opening up 92 percent of state government jobs to people without college degrees.
Black Americans lag behind the rest of their countrymen in educational attainment, making the abolition of four-year degree requirements the perfect equity issue for Democrats who are still uncomfortable with their status as the party of the elite.
It’s a good policy. Are Shapiro and his fellow Dems aware that it also means opening the floodgates to talented individuals who haven’t received the usual brainwashing? Maybe they are and just can’t help virtue signaling. Either way, it’s a nice bonus. Never interrupt your enemy when he’s making a mistake.
Grayson Quay is an editor at the Daily Caller.
The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.