If you’re like me, you can’t get enough of all the juicy gossip surrounding Japan’s Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama, who’s stuck with an embarrassing 24 percent approval rating. The reasons are myriad, and his certifiably insane wife is definitely one of them—she says she gets energy boosts by “eating the sun.” But the nail in the coffin may be the shirt he recently wore to a cookout, which caused a national uproar. Yes, seriously.
It’s true, the shirt is AMAZING—I am hypnotized by it. It’s like something Walker, Texas Ranger would have worn to a gay bar in 1994. But while we’re all worried about health care, unemployment, immigration and oil spills, the Japanese are bitching about their prime minister’s shirt? Do they know they are a real-life country, and not, like, the Japan Pavilion at Epcot Center?
I guess we all find ways to distract from the miserable banality of daily life. Last night I had the immense pleasure of catching Ricky Gervais live at Madison Square Garden, where he was, as anticipated, hilarious. One memorable line:
—“A third of the world is starving, and a third of the world is overweight. So the fat people are eating the starving people’s food.”
I guess that means if I’m neither overweight nor starving, I don’t really have to bother myself with the poverty problem…which is a relief. My schedule’s packed.
For instance, tonight I’ll be on “Real Time with Bill Maher.” (And last night, in an odd coincidence, the New York Times wrote my obituary. WTF?) Republican Congressman Darrell Issa, who will also be on the show, called me to offer some advice, which was great. But I’m realistic. If I leave with all my organs, I’ll consider it a victory.
If I survive Bill Maher, on Saturday I go to Dover with TV’s Andy Levy, co-host of “Red Eye,” to write about the race, chat with a few drivers and answer that eternal question, “Do any NASCAR fans know who Greg Gutfeld is?”
And next week I’m judging a Battle of the Bands benefit for the GI Go Fund, which provides transition assistance to Iraq and Afghanistan vets, with my buddy and fellow judge Joey DeGraw at the National Underground in NYC. I’m deciding whether to be a Paula or a Simon. Or am I a more convincing Randy? Guess I’ll know when I get there, and I’m either feeling over-medicated, over-indulged or over-fed.
In other news, this week I found out how you can tell if cantaloupe has gone bad: You throw up after eating it.
And earlier in the week, while in D.C. promoting the new book, my mother and I had drinks at The Capital Grille, where she—out of nowhere—correctly referenced Jersey Shore’s “The Situation” in a sentence. Not that my mom ain’t cool, but it was like watching Martha Stewart rap a few verses of a Lil Wayne song. I didn’t know where I was for a minute.
And sadly, it appears my beloved Mets are officially the most uninteresting team in sports. Announcer—and former Mets first baseman himself—Keith Hernandez fell asleep in the booth during a game this week. I feel you, buddy.
When I think back to that iconic Sports Illustrated cover story with John Olerud, Robin Ventura, Rey Ordonez and Edgardo Alfonzo under the headline “The Best Infield Ever?” it becomes glaringly obvious that Omar Minaya’s been nothing but a tranquilizer dart for the Amazin’s.
Omar, if you’re reading this: Bring back Bobby Valentine.
S.E. Cupp is author of the brand-spanking-new book “Losing Our Religion: The Liberal Media’s Attack on Christianity.” She is also co-author of “Why You’re Wrong About The Right,” and a columnist for the New York Daily News and a regular guest on “Hannity,” “Larry King Live,” “Fox & Friends,” “Geraldo,” “Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld,” and others.
