They’re doing it wrong!
By now we all know the story of John “Don’t Touch My Junk” Tyner:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3lbnSLalWQFor daring to declare that his privates are private, Tyner is now being investigated:
Michael J. Aguilar, chief of the TSA office in San Diego, called a news conference at the airport Monday afternoon to announce the probe. He said the investigation could lead to prosecution and civil penalties of up to $11,000.
TSA agents had told Tyner on Saturday that he could be fined up to $10,000.
“That’s the old fine,” Aguilar said. “It has been increased.”
This seems like kind of a bad idea. It might just… I almost said “blow up in their faces,” but I sure don’t want them coming after me.
Maybe Tyner would’ve been more cooperative with TSA if they’d plied him with the delicious taste of Four Loko, a canned beverage containing a whopping dose of caffeine and as much alcohol as four beers. Wait, no, that option’s out:
The manufacturer of popular caffeinated alcohol drink Four Loko said Tuesday it will remove the caffeine from its products, pulling the blend off the market just as the Food and Drug Administration is poised to ban it.
Phusion Projects said in a statement posted on its website that the company will remove caffeine and two other ingredients from its products going forward.
The announcement came as the FDA is expected to find as early as Wednesday that caffeine is an unsafe food additive to alcoholic drinks. That finding essentially would ban Four Loko and other drinks like it…
The FDA said it had not reached a conclusion about the drinks’ safety but cited concerns from several state attorneys general who contended the drinks appealed to underage drinkers and encouraged reckless behavior.
You know what encourages reckless behavior? Being drunk. So of course, let’s take out the caffeine. Our own Mary Katharine Ham is having none of it and is fighting back:
So, a bunch of state governments are falling all over themselves to ban a caffeine/alcohol drink that’s made of entirely legal substances. I’m not really into caffeine/alcohol drinks, but I’m into being able to drink what I’d like, so I’m drinking Four Loko on Saturday. Join me!
You can join her Facebook group, Four Loko for Freedom, here.
If the midterms have taught us one thing, it’s that people really trust the government and want more of it in their lives. Whether it’s what you put into your body or what you put into your underpants, you simply can’t be trusted to make decisions for yourself. Keep up the good work, government!