“Which country is suffering from too much freedom of speech? Name it, is there one?” — Julian Assange, 2010
WikiLeaks upset and embarrassed world leaders by recently publishing another round of secret government documents. If the Democrats really want our intelligence data to be secret, they need to hide them where they hid Obama’s SAT scores and their own college essays and grades.
The Left loves the WikiLeaks cables because they make America look bad. If Julian Assange needs asylum, I have no doubt he could get it in Berkeley, California. He tilts so far to the left that a “no agenda-driven” competitor called OpenLeaks started up this week. “OpenLeaks” sounds like what men do on the golf course.
Obama said he wanted to lead the most transparent administration in history, but he was well on his way to being the least transparent — until he got Wiki-leaked on.
Maybe it will be OK for Obama, since most of this looks bad for his primary presidential rival in 2012, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. This could dash the Clintons’ hope of becoming the first two-impeachment family.
Part of me wants to keep our government in check and applaud WikiLeaks. Another part wants our government to be able to kill Osama bin Laden or any villain who means to harm America. But if WikiLeaks continues to reveal what few secrets the CIA has, our intelligence services will go the way of the corner Blockbuster video store.
Mostly I am worried that a low-level operative like this Bradley Manning guy, an Army PFC, can act on his gay grudge against the U.S. and release these things. He, and I am not making this up, may have downloaded the documents he stole onto an old Lady Gaga CD.
Always the journalist, I read through the more than 200,000 leaked documents for you and noted some interesting tidbits the media failed to disclose. Here are some of the more curious facts leaked, or that I might have imagined:
1. Dick Cheney routinely has the Domino’s delivery guy water-boarded if his pizza is late.
2. Files on Nazi Germany were also released. Among the revelations: Hitler did not like to drink tequila because he felt it made him mean.
3. Poring over reams of J. Edgar Hoover-era documents led the Feds to believe that Liberace may have been gay.
4. Holocaust denier and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has found his best online dating success at J Date.
5. Secret surveys of Americans around Christmas determine that “egg” remains our favorite of the nogs.
6. The British, who have yet to discover dental care or central heating, remain very snobbish, yet our intelligence agencies cannot quite determine to whom they are being condescending.
7. Secret polls showed that 42% of Americans are against same sex marriage, but 85% of married folks would like to see opposite sex marriage banned, too.
8. The leading cause of death in Norway is boredom.
9. The leading cause of friction between China and the U.S. is the rigid communist control by a self-serving political class which wants to dominate every facet of daily life. However, China is less concerned since the GOP won the midterm elections.
10. While considering closing the Guantanamo Bay prison, the Obama administration lauded the clean Illinois prison to which it was planning to send the Gitmo terrorists. Illinois politicians really take care of their own.
11. President Bush gave Fidel Castro a Jitterbug cell phone for his 80th birthday.
12. Testing for the new TSA color-coded terror charts found that the most descriptive and easy to understand pat-down system would be: first base, second base, third base and the full Madonna.
13. Hillary Clinton was such a good lawyer in Arkansas that she once got a client’s parking ticket reduced to a charge of incest.
14. Kim Jong-il’s email address is LadyGagaFan#1@hotmail.com.
15. While Osama bin Laden is quick to murder infidels and insubordinate staff, those close to him say he rarely forgets birthdays.
16. The USA makes most of its money on arms sales to Saudi Arabia by talking them into buying extended warranties.
Southern-born Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis said it best: “Sunshine is the best disinfectant.” Wiki- and OpenLeaks are here, and that may be good for those of us with a healthy fear of government.
Ron Hart is a syndicated libertarian op-ed humorist, author and TV/radio commentator. Email Ron@RonaldHart.com or visit: RonaldHart.com
