As I do at the end of each year (which usually elicits many e-mails, but I am going to do it again anyway), here is my look back at 2010.
1. England’s Prince William became engaged to long-time girlfriend Kate Middleton, whose charisma reminds many of Princess Diana. The Royal Family hopes Kate does not upstage her future husband and become a media magnet; it is unlikely the British people will buy that “car wreck in the tunnel” story again.
2. USA publicity hounds Heidi Montag and her husband went broke after reportedly spending $10 million on plastic surgery and other frivolities. Yet they are still constantly in the press; apparently, if you cannot afford a publicist in Hollywood, the LA court system will appoint one for you.
3. Gatorade ended its relationship with Tiger Woods after learning that he was seeing Powerade and Vitamin Water on the side.
4. Michelle Obama continued one of the few worthwhile initiatives of this administration, her “war” on obesity. This fire was lit in her after spending one out of every four years at the Iowa State Fair. She says she wants salad bars put in 6,000 schools. These might be used by upwards of four kids, three of whom want to audition for “Glee.”
5. The First Lady also took a lavish trip to Spain, renting 70 rooms in that country’s most expensive hotel while America’s unemployment rate hovers around 10%. She had an entourage of some 40 folks but, in fairness, 30 of them were her public relations advisors.
6. The TSA handled more packages than FedEx this holiday season. Now they want to further unionize, like the SEIU (Service Employees International Union). I suggest the TSA form the Service Hierarchy International Fraternity of Transportation Legion Employees Security Service, or SHIFTLESS.
7. Nancy Pelosi surpassed Bernie Madoff as the biggest con artist in U.S. history.
8. WikiLeaks revealed that the government is misleading us about how the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are going for Obama. Signs showing a certain ex-president smiling and waving, captioned “Miss me yet?” began popping up all over. Sadly, the signs were in Iraq and the ex-president was Saddam Hussein.
9. Hillary Clinton denied rumors that she will challenge Obama in the 2012 Democratic primaries. It made the country feel nostalgic to hear a Clinton denying things again.
10. BP continued to throw guilt money at the Gulf Coast, including sponsoring blues festivals which paid tribute to Muddy Waters in Louisiana and Florida.
11. Small-town preacher Terry Jones, who wanted to burn the Koran, got entirely too much mainstream media attention. Any man that tough on non-USA-born citizens does not warrant so much publicity, but no one wants to run for sheriff against him.
12. After O.J. went to jail, Reggie Bush had to give up his Heisman Trophy. It was then given to Auburn’s Cam Newton, whose dad apparently shook down colleges for money to get his son to sign with them. Some call the Heisman winner a hero; most in law enforcement will eventually call him a “person of interest.”
13. John Boehner and Obama look forward to cooperating on issues they agree on, like making more places in Washington available for smoking.
14. Larry King left his CNN chair as Piers Morgan took over, but not before he Lysol-ed it to get rid of that old man smell. Now Larry can focus on his divorces; he can still beat Liz Taylor’s record if he stays healthy.
15. Al Gore, an Oscar- and Nobel Prize-winner for his Power Point pontifications on global warming, further burnished his reputation by forcing himself on a massage therapist he called to his hotel room. To be fair, he just wanted to show her his animated short.
16. After leaking the identity of everyone’s Secret Santa, WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange said that, if arrested, he would leak information on UFOs. I think I speak for all Southerners: Let me see those documents.
17. Bristol Palin lost in the finals of “Dancing with the Stars.” If we have learned anything about a Palin when she loses, it is that she goes away quietly.
While I am glad there was “change” in Congress, at the end of the day I am afraid the GOP will revert to its old ways. I think neither party’s members care as much about the country as they care about who gets to run it.
Ron Hart is a libertarian op-ed humorist and author who can be reached at: Ron@RonaldHart.com.