1.) Ed Schultz suspended for behaving like Ed Schultz — Ever since Keith Olbermann’s career imploded, the remaining MSNBC angries — er, anchors — have struggled to fulfill his old role. This has necessarily included finding ever more forceful ways of denigrating women they don’t like. But apparently there are limits, even at 30 Rock. TheDC’s Jeff Poor reports: “On his Tuesday radio program, liberal talker and MSNBC host Ed Schultz took a shot at conservative talk show host Laura Ingraham for her criticism of President Barack Obama’s trip to Ireland, where he enjoyed a Guinness, while the Midwestern United States was being hit by severe weather. ‘And what do the Republicans thinking (sic) about?’ Schultz said. ‘They’re not thinking about their next-door neighbor. They’re just thinking about how much this is going to cost. President Obama is going to be visiting Joplin, Mo., on Sunday but you know what they’re talking about, like this right-wing slut, what’s her name? Laura Ingraham? Yeah, she’s a talk slut.'” MSNBC suspended Schultz for the remark, which is a bit like smacking the dog on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper for doing the trick you taught it. Schultz then apologized, saying, “This is the lowest of the low for me.” Whether or not this is true will be left to those who listen to Ed Schultz voluntarily.
2.) Pawlenty Goes Electric (Slide) — TheDC’s Alexis Levinson reports: “Speaking at the Cato Institute Wednesday on the subject of reducing the size of government, former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty called for a freeze of public employee salaries and benefits until they were on the same level as the private sector. To illustrate his point, Pawlenty offered this piece of wisdom to his audience: ‘All you really need to know about much of government reform,’ he said, ‘is to go to two weddings. Go to one wedding where there’s a cash bar. And then go to another wedding where there’s an open bar. And you’ll see two very different sets of behavior. And If people have the impression that things are free, and they get to consume it endlessly, and the provider has the only incentive to provide on volume, and the myth or the lie is created that the bill goes somewhere else and that a third party pays for it, that is a system that I can tell you is doomed to failure and inefficiency. And that’s much of our government, unfortunately.'” Will there be wedding cake? Do we need to rent tuxedos? This is getting confusing.
3.) NEWSFLASH: Jared Lee Loughner is crazy — Want to shoot a bunch of people and get out of being tried for it? Just make a ruckus in the courtroom. The Arizona Daily Star reports: “Jared Lee Loughner’s ‘major mental illness’ leaves him so delusional and psychotic that he is incompetent to stand trial, a federal judge ruled today. U.S. District Court Judge Larry A. Burns viewed hours of videotape of Loughner, he said, and agreed with the conclusion of the psychiatrist and psychologist who evaluated him: Loughner can’t understand the court proceedings or help his lawyers… In the middle of today’s hearing in U.S. District Court, Loughner put his head in his arms on the defense table, then reared up and interrupted an attorney’s comments. ‘Thank you for the freak show. She died in front of me,’ he said. Then [he] shouted, ‘You’re treasonous!'” Meanwhile, the people he murdered are still dead, and Gabby Giffords is still crippled for life. But justice must be delayed until the culprit stops acting silly. (Still no word at presstime on how this latest development is Palin’s fault.)
4.) DSK = Deluxe Suite, Kid — Just because you’re accused of rape doesn’t mean you have to live like one of the common people, right? ABC News reports: “Former head of the International Monetary Fund Dominique Strauss-Kahn has found a new home — a four-bedroom brick townhouse in lower Manhattan, where he will remain under house arrest and tight security while he waits to be tried for the alleged rape of a hotel maid earlier this month, according to officials… The new townhouse where the embattled economist will be staying was reportedly listed online by Town Residential at $50,000 per month, and for sale at $13,995,000, according to the Associated Press. The luxury accommodations include a state-of-the-art theater, gym, spa, and the four bathrooms have jetted tubs and steam showers.” Would you like to come over? DSK would really like you to come over.
5.) Barack found useful — Who said romance is dead? TheDC’s Laura Donovan reports: “First lady Michelle Obama always believed her husband would be ‘useful,’ yet never expected him to land the most powerful job in the world. ‘I always thought he would be useful, but I had no idea he was going to be president,’ the first lady told a group of schoolgirls gathered to hear her speak Wednesday at Christ Church College in Oxford, England.” Useful, huh? He must be glad to hear that.
6.) Chelsea Handler limits damage to society — Laura Donovan reports: “Comedienne Chelsea Handler, who has written three books about her love for sex and alcohol, recently opened up to the New York Times about her television career, initial doubts about whether she’d make it in the entertainment industry, and an abortion she had as a teenager… ‘I had an abortion when I was 16. Because that’s what I should have done,’ Handler said. ‘Otherwise I would now have a 20-year-old kid.'” No matter your feelings on abortion, try to look at it this way: At least we don’t have a new generation of Chelsea Handlers.