DC Trawler

TheDC Morning: The rhetoric isn’t the only thing that’s shaky in DC

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1.) Perry pwns presidential primary poll — You might’ve heard about that 5.9 earthquake in Washington yesterday — everybody at TheDC is fine, thanks for asking — so you’re probably expecting some bad puns about how Rick Perry is “shaking things up in Election 2012” and stuff like that. Okay then. Rick Perry is shaking things up in Election 2012! The earthquake isn’t the only thing knocking the Dems off-balance! And so forth. TheDC’s Alexis Levinson reports: “Newly declared presidential candidate Rick Perry is now the undisputed GOP frontrunner, while Michele Bachmann’s star has started to fall, according to the latest Daily Caller/ConservativeHome presidential primary tracking poll. Perry now leads the field in all five categories polled this month: first choice, most electable, second choice, best at dealing with the economy, and best at keeping Washington spending under control — often by a large margin. Perry is the top choice for 29.3 percent of Republicans, handily trouncing Michele Bachmann’s 17.0 percent and Mitt Romney’s 11.1 percent. But Perry has not just captured the hearts of Republicans; he has also captured the minds of those who are pragmatically looking not just for a nominee they like, but for one who can beat President Barack Obama.” Which was once considered impossible by many, but that was before Obama started turning everything he touched to poop. Well, Perry’s still the new guy, so we’ll see how it all, um, shakes out. You never know, there might be a sudden surge in the polls by Jon Huntsman. Heh.

2.) Club for Growth likes Perry, pretty much
— Everybody’s worried about the economy, and an increasing number of Americans are rejecting Obama’s philosophy that creating jobs is important as long as nobody makes too much money. How about Rick Perry’s economic record? TheDC’s Caroline May reports: “The Club for Growth, a limited government advocacy group, gave Texas Gov. Rick Perry’s record on economic freedom a generally favorable review Tuesday. In its tenth analysis of a 2012 presidential candidate, the Club for Growth found fault with several of Perry’s policies during his time in office, but speculated that should he become president he will move the country in a more ‘pro-growth’ direction. The Club praised the governor for his low tax, limited spending policies but noted that his record is not without flaws, foremost among them his support for what the Club terms ‘corporate welfare’ to attract businesses to Texas. ‘On the bad side, however, Perry has also aggressively used government spending to attract jobs to Texas. During his time in office, Perry has signed into law two major economic development initiatives, the Texas Enterprise Fund and the Texas Emerging Technology Fund,’ the Club pointed out.” So we’ll see if the Tea Party takes him to task for that.

3.) The rhetoric isn’t the only thing that’s shaky in DC — And how about that quake, huh? It was the biggest one to hit Washington since way back in 1897, when Helen Thomas was just a cub reporter. Fortunately, nobody was injured and so far the only reported damage is minor. TheDC’s C.J. Ciaramella reports: “No major structural damage has been reported at Washington D.C. monuments, the U.S. Park Police said shortly after a 5.9 magnitude earthquake rocked the eastern seaboard. U.S. Park Police spokesman David Schlosser said there were no injuries or major damage reported at the many monuments in the nation’s capitol. However, all the Smithsonian Institution’s museums and national monuments were closed, including the Martin Luther King, Jr. memorial which opened to the public on Monday… An early rumor that the Washington Monument may have tilted as a result of the quake has not been confirmed… According to reports, the spires of the Washington National Cathedral, which began construction in 1907, were damaged in the quake. D.C. Metro stations are open, but all trains are running at 15 miles per hour.” And the escalators are all broken, but that has nothing to do with the quake. Cell service was also knocked out for hours. But then, who in DC has a cellphone anyway? Meanwhile, the White House put out a statement on the quake. Here it is, in full: “Blah blah blah.” Not to blame Obama for this, because it’s crazy to hold U.S. presidents responsible for natural disasters of any sort, but why didn’t he see this earthquake coming? He’s the world’s foremost expert in finding fault.

4.) White House tries to clean up another Biden mess — No matter your opinion of Barack Obama’s presidency, you have to admit that picking Joe Biden as VP was the best decision he’s ever made in terms of entertainment value. Caroline May reports: “In the wake of an onslaught of criticism for Vice President Joe Biden’s comments in China about ‘not second guessing’ the country’s one-child policy, the Obama administration has issued a statement of clarification. ‘The Obama Administration strongly opposes all aspects of China’s coercive birth limitation policies, including forced abortion and sterilization,’ Biden’s spokeswoman Kendra Barkoff told The Daily Caller in an email. ‘The Vice President believes such practices are repugnant.’ Barkoff explained that Biden was attempting to critique the restrictive system with his comments.” That might be why he said to the Chinese government: “Your policy has been one which I fully understand — I’m not second-guessing — of one child per family.” So when he said “fully understand,” he meant “fully reject,” and when he said “I’m not second-guessing,” he meant “You guys make me sick.” This explains a lot about all the dumb things Joe Biden has said over the years. The trick is to take the moronic babble that comes out of his mouth and assume he means the opposite. For example, when he called you a terrorist, he actually meant you’re terrific! When he claimed FDR went on TV after the stock market crash of 1929, he meant to say… who knows, something that wasn’t completely ignorant. Etc., etc. Isn’t that a relief?

5.) Taking their cue from Maxine Waters, conservative women go straight to Elle — TheDC’s Laura Donovan reads Elle so you don’t have to: “It comes as somewhat of a surprise that fashion magazine Elle, which is known to feature fun, light pieces such as ‘Alexander Wang’s New Nail Polish’ and ‘Khloe [Kardashian’s] Killer Calves (And Thighs!),’ would publish a four-page spread on conservative women and politics. What’s not shocking, however, is that Elle would fall into the mainstream media trap and arbitrarily categorize a group of right-leaning young women as ‘Baby Palins.’ This month, the mag printed a story called ‘The Best and the Rightest,’ which includes interviews from accomplished conservative females such as ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Guns’ creator Regis Giles, Fox commentator S.E. Cupp, conservative radio host Dana Loesch, Independent Women’s Forum executive director Carrie Lukas and Network of enlightened Women (NeW) founder Karin Agness. The article, which dubs the aforementioned women ‘Baby Palins,’ says the interviewed females ‘share almost every goal of feminism’ and ‘want to be—and in many cases, already believe themselves to be —empowered: educationally, financially, sexually. But they resist any effort to put advancing their fellow women front and center.” In other words, they’ve worked hard, they’ve succeeded on their own merits, and they aren’t obsessed with identity politics. You know what to do, libs: ATTACK!!!

6.) Today’s intriguingly Socratic question from Alec Baldwin’s Twitter feed — “Do you think Bin Laden was behind 9-11?”

VIDEO: With Paul Krugman espousing the Broken Tectonic Plate Theory after yesterday’s quake, this Hammertime from last March has never been more timely

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Update: The Krugman quote alluded to above turns out to be bogus. TheDC Morning regrets the error. (It’s still a good Hammertime video, though.)